Tim Duncan: I’m Using Chrome

Tim Duncan Google Chrome BIGGER

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A WORK OF PURE FICTION. NONE OF THIS IS REAL. THE PHOTO ABOVE IS NOT REAL. TIM DUNCAN HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. GOOD DAY.

Before anyone ever cared where I would browse the internet, I was a kid from the Virgin Islands using Google Chrome. It’s where I typed. It’s where I surfed. It’s where I programmed. It’s where I bled. It holds a special place in my C Drive. People have seen me download fonts from there. It drives me. My relationship with Google is bigger than browsing. I didn’t realize that four years ago. I do now.

Remember when I was sitting up there at the Starbucks in 2010? I was thinking, This is really tough. I could feel it. I was leaving something.. If I had to do it all over again, I’d obviously do things differently, but I’d still have left. Firefox, for me, has been almost like college for other kids. These past four years helped raise me into who I am. I became a better web user and a better man. I learned from a browser that had been where I wanted to go. I will always think of Firefox as my second home. Without the experiences I had there, I wouldn’t be able to do what I’m doing today.

I went to Firefox because of applications and user-friendly layout. I made sacrifices to keep it as my default browser.  The hardest thing to leave is what I built with those other users on Chrome.  Nothing will ever change what we accomplished. We are binary-brothers for life.

I’m doing this essay because I want an opportunity to explain myself uninterrupted. I don’t want anyone thinking: He and BING didn’t get along. … He and Android didn’t get along. … Firefox couldn’t put the right team of designers together. That’s absolutely not true.

I’m not having a press conference or a Google Hangout party.

When I left Chrome, I was on a mission. I was seeking a new short sleeved dress shirt from Tommy Hilfiger on eBay, and I bought two.  My goal is still to buy as many Tommy Hilfiger short sleeved dress shirts as possible, no question. But what’s most important for me is buying one off of the Google Chrome browser.

I always believed that I’d return to Chrome and finish my browsing there. I just didn’t know when.  I have two keyboards and my mouse, who is wireless. I started thinking about what it would be like to use my hardware in Chrome. I looked at other browsers, but I wasn’t going to leave Firefox for anywhere except Chrome. The more time passed, the more it felt right. This is what makes me happy.

To make the move I needed the support of my internet provider and Matt Bonner, who can be very tough. The customer service letter from Chrome’s help desk representatives, the crashing from the Chrome browser — seeing all that was hard for them. My emotions were more mixed. It was easy to say, “OK, I don’t want to deal with these web based mistakes ever again.” But then you think about the other side. I’ve met with the folks at Google, face-to-face.  We’ve talked it out.

I’m not promising a short sleeved dress shirt from Tommy Hilfiger. I know how hard that is to deliver. I’m not ready right now. The fabric is far too thick for summertime in Texas. I’m realistic. It will be a long process.  My browsing will get tested. I will be the old head. But I get a thrill out of bringing a group together in Google Hangout. I see myself as a mentor now.  I think I can help Gmail become one the best email services in our home. I think I can help elevate Google Docs and Analytics. And I can’t wait to reunite with Gchat, one of my favorite forms of communication..

But this is not about the the applications. I feel my calling here goes above fun browsing. I have a responsibility to surf the net, in more ways than one, and I take that very seriously. My presence can make a difference in Firefox, but I think it can mean more where I’m Chrome. That would make me smile.

On Chrome, nothing is given. Everything has a parental lock. You work for what you are able to browse.

I’m ready to accept the challenge. I’m using Chrome.

10 Comments

  • Reply July 14, 2014

    Dustin Collins

    amazing

  • Reply July 14, 2014

    J H

    Is this for real? It’s awesome either way!

  • Reply July 14, 2014

    mlhumph3

    That’s it. I’m burning my Tim Duncan mouse pad.

  • […] ESPN True Hoop affiliate blog BallerBall  rewrote LeBron’s as-told-to-Lee-Jenkins essay through the dull, Geek Squad customer service, wide-eyed voice of San Antonio Spurs champ, Tim Duncan, in faux-parody essay, "I’m Using Chome." […]

  • Reply July 14, 2014

    WeAreZilla

    Hmmm…
    “By Tim Duncan” “As told by Jason Gallagher”
    Tagged – “True Fiction”
    Very disjointed. I call BS.

  • Reply July 15, 2014

    Maldita

    Chrome and Duncan FTW!!! Nice Parody.

  • Reply July 15, 2014

    Do Not Track Me

    Google used to do no evil, and provide ads in little blue links. Today they sponsor blog posts such as this.

  • […] Oh yea, GrantLand’s “Baller Ball” had a fabulous spoof of Lebron’s essay with one involving Tim Duncan. Google Chrome for the win. […]

  • Reply July 17, 2014

    jyan

    I’m using Chrome..I’m using Chrome..
    Tell the world.. I’m using Chrome..

    Let Ad Block wash away..
    All the ads from every page.

    I know that Google awaits..
    They forced Plus for goodness sakes.

    I’m using Chrome.. I’m using Chrome.
    Tell the world I’m using…..Chrome.

  • Reply July 21, 2014

    RxLex

    That was hilarious!

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