Welcome to another edition of Ballerball’s 5-vs-5 Questionnaire.
The San Antonio Spurs are being sued for resting their starters in Miami.
Here is the article on ESPN where he compares the Spurs sitting their starters to “going to Morton’s Steakhouse and paying $63 for a porterhouse and they bring out a cube steak.” - http://espn.go.com/nba/story/_/id/8847216/san-antonio-spurs-sued-lawyer-resting-top-players
Today our experts include three Ballerball writers – Jason Gallagher (@jmavs1) , Tyler Parker (@tpisme) , and Wade Browning (@wadebrowning). We are also being joined by two guests – from the Truehoop New Orleans affiliate – Hornet247.com – Chris Trew (@christrew), and from Dumbfoul.blogspot.com - Chandler Goodman (@suchagoodman).
1. Larry McGuinness is suing the Spurs for not playing their starters. He said it’s like “going to Morton’s Steakhouse and paying $63 for a porterhouse and they bring out a cube steak.” What’s your initial reaction?
Tyler Parker - Hold up. For real? Morton’s did that to this guy? Seriously? Hey. Be serious for a second. Look at me. Did that really happen? If so, that’s really messed up.
Chandler Goodman - First reaction… what is cube steak?
Jason Gallagher - Wait… did that steak thing really happen to him? Because that’s crap if it did. I hope he is suing Morton’s because you know what they say, “If at first they don’t succeed in getting your order right… sue them.” What a terrible story. Why did you upset me with that news?
Wade Browning - I had no idea what he was talking about until he used the steak analogy. Then I got it.
Chris Trew - Larry’s paying $63 for a porterhouse? Ha, they’re actually $42. A double porterhouse is $84 but Larry didn’t say it’s like paying for a double porterhouse. If he had then I would understand more. To ask for a double porterhouse and get a cube steak? Yeah, no way. Check, please. 5% tip. Peace!
2. Right. But how does McGuinness suing the Spurs make you feel?
Parker - So, wait. I don’t get it. How does Morton’s not have a porterhouse ready? Or did the waiter just fudge up the order? It sounds like they didn’t have a porterhouse ready, because in the story McG is just stuck with the cube steak.
Goodman - Ok, I just wikipedia’d “cube steak” and now I’m outraged! ”A cut of beef, usually top round or top sirloin, tenderized by fierce pounding with a meat tenderizer.” When I pay $63 for a steak – and trust me, that is the ONLY and EXACT dollar amount I will EVER pay for a steak – I don’t want anyone fiercely pounding my meat! DON’T FIERCELY POUND MY MEAT!
Gallagher - This whole steak thing reminds me of this one time at “Ken’s Jaguar’s,” I spent 73K on a Jaguar XJ and the douchebags over there gave me a Jaguar XF. I thought someone was telling a joke in poor taste.
Browning - It gives me courage, you know? He’s the kind of guy who wouldn’t pay $63 dollars for cube steak. I was at Applebee’s last Friday, table for one, 2 for $20 kind of thing. They gave me a steak that looked like cat food, really chopped up and mushy. I ate it like a coward.
Trew - Wrong, there isn’t anything wrong with tipping 5% because we, the customer, must make a statement. We vote with our dollars. I will not tip 15% if the service and/or the food is subpar. A cube steak when I ordered a double porterhouse? Are you kidding me? That’s completely ignoring the fact that I don’t like anything cubed.
3. Ok. You all are ignoring the main topic here. Does McGuinness have a right to sue the Spurs?
Parker - You’d think if they messed up on the order and had a porterhouse available they’d just apologize and be like, chill for 2 seconds McG, we’ll go get it. Guess they tried to pull a fast on McG, huh? Nice try, Morton’s. Not cool. NOTHING gets past McG.
Goodman - I do, however, keep looping back to the question, why go to Morton’s in the first place??? I mean, you’re on South Beach, bro! That city is a food mecca! It hosted Top Chef: Season 3! Check out a local steak joint, my man!
Gallagher - Uh… is this America? I think so. And in America, you get the steak you pay for. Kinda reminds me of this time I was at “Brian’s Helicopter’s” and I spend 450K on a Eurocopter AS350 and the idiots brought me a Robinson R44 Clipper. Give me a fudgin’ break.
Browning - Oh, I’m sorry Mr. McGuinness, I didn’t realize that you wrote these questions and thus understand your own topic, since we’re analyzing your own words and actions. Oh wait, thaaaat’s right, I’m not communicating with Larry McGuinness (a walking porterhouse of a man). I’m answering questions from little Ballerball question asker (who is more like a boiled hoof from a sick calf).
Trew - I love steak.
4. Nobody cares about the steak! Let’s move on: How do you think this will affect teams and coaches who typically rest their starters at the end of the season.
Parker - Man, I like steak. It’s really good. I haven’t had a good one in awhile. I really want one now. I need to go to Morton’s. The Porterhouse has to be good if McG, clearly a super rational and normal human being, is this pissed about not getting it.
Goodman - If I’m down on South Beach, and I’m paying $63 for a steak (and again, if you’re paying ANYTHING more OR less than $63 for your steaks, you’re a fool who doesn’t deserve to eat), I’m at Prime One Twelve on Ocean Drive saddled up next to succulent 20 oz. bone-in ribeye….mmmmmm. I’m getting hungry just thinking about it!
Gallagher - Mom always told me, “you judge a man by the steak he eats.” I still can’t believe this happened to him. Poor guy. Reminds me of when I went to “Michael’s Island Shop” and I paid 12.5 million on the island of St. John and they tried to give me Galveston. I was all like, “No thank you.”
Browning - I know, right? No one actually cares about steaks anymore! It’s a real shame. To answer your question, at the end of a good steak seasoning you never want to “rest your starters,” as you call it. The marinating process takes time and then you still have to grill. You definitely want to have some starters out there for your guests to munch on. BTW, why do you call chefs and restaurant managers “teams and coaches?”
Trew - I usually get steak on special occasions like birthdays or New Years but if someone else was buying, I’d get steak more often, sure.
5. Unbelievable. Do you people have ANYTHING to say about the Spurs and this lawsuit?
Parker - Does it come with potatoes and stuff, though? I checked the menu on the Internet and all it had was a picture of the steak itself. No prices or nothing. No word if it was ala carte. There’s actually not even a price listed so I suppose dude could be lying about how much it cost. Surely not, though. Guy seems infinitely reasonable.
Goodman - Lesson of this story is clear: Next time, ditch Morton’s! It’s a has been. Check out Prime One Twelve: it doesn’t have 4 stars on Yelp for nothing!
Gallagher – Me and this McGuinness fella – seem to have a lot in common. We are VERY good at coming up with solid analogies that the common man can relate to, and we hate being dooped out of the steak we ordered. It’s a lot like this one time when I went to “Pat’s Miami Heat Basketball” and bought these tickets to see the Heat play the Spurs. Then the coach of the Spurs decides to sit his starters. Someone should sue them.
Browning - Why have a lawsuit when you can have a steak suit?
Trew - I wonder what a triple porterhouse would be like.
Thank you for joining us.