6 Degrees of Blaming Westbrook – Special Guest: Royce Young

Westbrook 2
Westbrook 2
As a member of the sports media world, Ballerball loves blaming Russell Westbrook for all of the Thunder’s problems - past/present/future.
With Westbrook winning the Western Conference Player of the Week and continuing to get better and better with each new sunrise, it’s getting harder to irrationally blame him for things.
So our writing staff has decided to sharpen our blame tools and play a little game of…

“6 Degrees of Blaming Westbrook.”

To facilitate this game, we brought in Royce Young of the Daily Thunder.

Why Royce Young?  Because he knows Russell Westbrook’s game better than anyone out there.  He also doesn’t believe Russ is to blame for all of OKC’s problems.  (I know… crazy.)

*The rules are simple:  Royce gives our writing staff a problem and asks us to connect it back to Russell Westbrook in 6 steps. 

Here we go.  You’re move, Mr. Young.

1. Royce Young –  “The fitted sheet on your bed is just a little too small and keeps coming off.  Blame Westbrook.”

 

Jason Gallagher -

  1. My fitted sheets are too tight for my bed.
  2. I love fitted hats.
  3. Tony Romo wears fitted hats.
  4. The Dallas Cowboys employ Tony Romo.
  5. Russell Westbrook likes the Dallas Cowboys.
  6. My sheets being too tight is WESTBROOK’S FAULT!

Colt Westbrook - 

  1. So, the fitted sheet keeps coming off your bed.
  2. You bought it from Bed, Bath, and Beyond which also sells towels.
  3. Harry and Marv from Home Alone flooded peoples’ houses with the towel-in-the-drain trick.
  4. John Hughes produced Home Alone.
  5. John Hughes went to Arizona State,
  6. AS DID former teammate to Russ, James Harden; Blame Westbrook.

Chandler Goodman -

  1. My fitted sheet is too tight for my bed.
  2. Tight pants are fashionable right now
  3. Professional basketball players love fashion
  4. NBA fashion is mostly exhibited at postgame press conferences
  5. Russell Westbrook is the king of weird press conference outfits
  6. Russell Westbrook is the reason my sheet keeps coming off my bed!!

Ryan Weisert -

  1. My fitted sheet is too short.
  2. My bed is too long.
  3. The Dark Knight Returns was too long.
  4. Christian Bale has been known to freak out on colleagues.
  5. Russell Westbrook has been known to freak out on colleagues.
  6. Russell Westbrook’s temper caused my sheet to shrink in fright.

Wade Browning - 

  1. My fitted sheet is too small.
  2. I’ve been tossing and turning all night, ripping my bed arrangement to shreds.
  3. A quick sniff of my sheets shows that my fabric softener has been altered. (You know, can’t handle the smell).
  4. I march down to the shared laundry basement of my apartment, and discover a mooching neighbor replace my fabric softener with an off-brand scent called “Fresh Brook.”
  5. It kind of sounds like “Westbrook.
  6. BLAME WESTBROOK!

Tyler Parker

  1. The sheets were purchased from IKEA.
  2. IKEA has a restaurant.
  3. They sell chicken fingers at the restaurant.
  4. They play The Chicken Dance during timeouts at Chesapeake Energy Arena.
  5. The Oklahoma City Thunder play at Chesapeake Energy Arena
  6. Russell Westbrook plays for the Thunder.

THAT’S ON WESTBROOK, BRO!

 

2.  Young – “You’re already DVRing two shows at the same time, but Shawshank is on and you kind of feeling like watching some of it and have to decide to either cancel a recording, or not watch it.  Blame Westbrook.”  

Jason Gallagher -

  1. I have to pick between my DVR recordings or part of Shawshank.
  2. Ben Gibbard  is recording a new Postal Service album.
  3. Zooey Deschanel was married to Ben Gibbard.
  4. Zooey Deschanel has bangs.
  5. Mike Breen says “BANG” when Russell Westbrook dunks.
  6. The fact that I have to even make this decision is WESTBROOK’S FAULT!

Colt Westbrook

  1. Two shows recording on DVR, Shawshank is on, big problem.
  2. Two shows + Shawshank = Two Shank Show.
  3. There were some GREAT “Two Shank Shows” in Gangs of New York.
  4. Gangs of New York was carried by Daniel Day-Lewis.
  5. Daniel Day-Lewis starred in Lincoln, released in 2012.
  6. Russell Westbrook had ZERO tripple-doubles in 2012: BLAME RUSS.

Chandler Goodman -

  1. I have two shows currently DVRing but also want to watch Shawshank
  2. Shawshank centers on an escape to Zihuatanejo
  3. Zihuatanejo is the 4th largest city in the Mexican state of Guerrero
  4. Oklahoma City is the largest city in the American state of Oklahoma
  5. Russell Westbrook is the 10th tallest player on Oklahoma City’s only major professional sports team
  6. Russell Westbrook is the source of my DVR-Shawshank conundrum!!

Ryan Weisert -

  1. Shawshank is on but I can’t watch it because I have cable.
  2. When I can’t watch the shows I want, I get angry.
  3. When I get angry, I drive too fast.
  4. When I drive fast, I frequently miss my exit on the freeway.
  5. Russell Westbrook frequently misses open jumpers.
  6. Don’t be Russell Westbrook, switch to DirecTV.

Wade Browning -

  1. I’m having a DVR dilemma.
  2. I try to watch Shawshank on Netflix, only to find a dumb animated version.
  3. I watch it and notice that their animated tomahawks look awesome!
  4. The tomahawk pattern would look cool on a button-up shirt idea with which I could make millions.
  5. Quick google search leads to a russwest44 tweet that he will be wearing that shirt during a post game conference.
  6. On LaCoste.com, the shirt is $400 and Westbrook is the model. BLAME WESTBROOK!

Tyler Parker

  1. Tim Robbins is in The Shawshank Redemption.
  2. Robbins is also in Mystic River.
  3. Mystic River has the word “river” in the title.
  4. There’s a river that runs through Bricktown in downtown Oklahoma City.
  5. The Thunder play in Oklahoma City.
  6. Russell Westbrook plays for the Thunder.

THAT’S ON WESTBROOK, BRO!

 

3. Young – “You are rock climbing by yourself in the middle of nowhere and your arm is trapped between two rocks and all you have is a crappy pocket knife.  Blame Westbrook.”

 

Jason Gallagher -

  1. My arm is stuck in between too rocks and all I have is a pocket knife.
  2. This exact situation happened to James Franco in real life.
  3. James Franco is “OZ” in the new movie “OZ.”
  4. The Yellow Brick Road is in the land of “OZ.”
  5. Bricktown is in Oklahoma City, where Russell Westbrook plays.
  6. My arm is stuck and it’s WESTBROOK’S FAULT!

Colt Westbrook - 

  1. Climbing, fell, stuck between some rocks, all I’ve got is a knife.
  2. The DOW falls every now and then too.
  3. There was a dancing scene in Wall Street.
  4. Dancing in the Dark was written by Bruce Springsteen.
  5. Bruce Springsteen released The Ghost of Tom Joad in 1995.
  6. Russell has no idea what that means – Blame Russ.

Chandler Goodman - 

  1. I am rock climbing by myself, my arm is trapped between two rocks, and all I have is a crappy pocket knife
  2. Pocket knives are often Swiss
  3. So is cheese
  4. I am allergic to cheese
  5. I am also allergic to Russell Westbrook’s bone-headed crunch time turnovers
  6. Russell Westbrook has forced me into a position where I’ll likely have to amputate my own forearm with a pocket knife!!

Ryan Weisert - 

  1. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place (aka another rock.)
  2. I feel like James Franco except I’ve never met Willem Dafoe.
  3. It’s never a good idea to emulate James Franco emulating an amputee.
  4. An amputee was recently kicked off The Bachelor.
  5. Russell Westbrook would make a horrible Bachelor.
  6. Russell Westbrook wouldn’t give a rose to my arm, and now it’s gone.

Wade Browning - 

  1. My arm is stuck between two rocks.
  2. My arm is starting to feel numb.
  3. It is losing it’s warmth.
  4. I wish I was one of those lizards who could regrow limbs.
  5. Lizards are cold-blooded, like Russell Westbrook.
  6. BLAME WESTBROOK!

Tyler Parker

  1. Rock climbing involves climbing.
  2. Climbing means you are going higher.
  3. Some people jump when they want to reach higher things.
  4. People jump when they play basketball.
  5. In order to dunk, you have to jump.
  6. Russell Westbrook dunks a lot.

THAT’S ON WESTBROOK, BRO.

 

4. Young – “An asteroid carrying an alien zombie army is headed towards Earth.  Blame Westbrook.”

 

Jason Gallagher - 

  1. This is hard… sike!  Asteroid with alien zombie army is coming to Earth.
  2. “Alien Zombie Armies” is the name of my band when I was a teenager.
  3. Rafael is a a teenage mutant ninja turtle.
  4. Sally Jesse Rafael wears red eye glasses.
  5. Russell Westbrook wears red eye glasses.
  6. The world is ending causing the Thunder to not have the opportunity to win a Championship and it’s ALL WESTBROOK’S FAULT!

Colt Westbrook - 

  1. Alien zombies are headed to my planet.
  2. The Asteroid is most likely in an elliptical orbit around the Sun.
  3. Shallow ex-sorority girls at work use the elliptical machine in the gym.
  4. The gym is where I got athlete’s foot when I was 22 1/2.
  5. Westbrook is averaging 22 1/2 PPG this season.
  6. Blame it on the Russ.

Chandler Goodman - 

  1. An asteroid carrying an alien zombie army is headed towards Earth
  2. The earth may not survive
  3. If it does survive, we will have to defend ourselves from an advanced species
  4. People that play superior defense will be at a premium in our fight for existence
  5. Russell Westbrook can play superior defense, but is reckless and too often tries to jump into passing lanes
  6. Russell Westbrook is the reason earth will be eliminated by an asteroid and/or aliens!!

Ryan Weisert - 

  1. An alien zombie army is heading towards Earth. On an asteroid.
  2. This feels like the opening credits of Avengers 2 as directed by Brett Ratner.
  3. Bret Ratner ruined the X-Men franchise.
  4. X-Men are known for their super powers like Wolverine’s ability to grow sweet, sweet mutton chops.
  5. Russell Westbook’s super power would be his ability to pout like a baby.
  6. Russell Westbrook is guiding the Zombie army to Earth like Justin Long in Galaxy Quest.

Wade Browning -

  1. Our planet has a duel problem of an asteroid collision populated with an alien zombie army.
  2. The impact of the asteroid could wipe everyone out, including the alien zombie army.
  3. If the asteroid doesn’t destroy everything, we still have to deal with the alien zombie army.
  4. Wow, I can’t imagine experiencing that. It’s like an alien zombie sonic boom.
  5. That brings me back to how Bill Simmons called the thunder the “zombie sonics.”
  6. BLAME WESTBROOK!

Tyler Parker - 

  1. Will Smith was in a movie about zombies, I Am Legend.
  2. Will Smith used to wear Jordans as the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
  3. Michael Jordan was in a movie called Space Jam.
  4. There were aliens in the movie.
  5. One of the aliens was based on Mugsy Bogues.
  6. Russell Westbrook looks like an alien cartoon depiction of Mugsy Bogues.

THAT’S ON WESTBROOK, BRO.

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