Fans are always searching for new ways to feel closer to the NBA experience Whether it’s engaging in twitter over who is more deserving of an MVP or ciphering through tabs and tabs of advanced stats to provide proof a trend that doesn’t exist, we’ll do anything to feel a part of the NBA action.
What’s next? Analyzing our own boring work days as if they’r actual NBA games?
The MVE Race Heats Up As Will Clayton Takes On Wednesday
I spoke to Will before the day and he has confirmed that he’s going into the office today despite rumors of a sick day due to what he calls a – quote – “real bitch of a hangover.” Will’s sales manager told us that he was unaware of the rumor and –quote – “I don’t pay attention to any of that stuff. My job is to sell.”
Now I did watch Will in the pre-work day commute and he did not look good. He managed missed his first chance at a seat on the train to a 76 year old woman. Eventually Will did find a spot towards the front but sources are now saying that Will is pretty positive the man seated next to him texted – quote “Sitting next to a douche. Ugh. ”
Despite all that, Will is in the building and ready to work.
First Quarter of the Work Day
It’s no secret that Will is after the MVE (Most Valuable Employee) award. He came out with a lot of energy, downing 2 cups of coffee in the first 4 minutes of the day. Will’s first quarter of the day numbers were quite impressive as he went 4-5 on sales calls for a total of 1.2K in sales and 3-6 on jokes landed with Mindy – Will’s attractive cubicle mate. Not all parts of Will’s day started strong though. On trips to the bathroom, Will only collected 1 compliment on his new haircut. When asked to comment, Will’s sales manager said – quote – “I’m pleased with his overall effort. The hair looks like hell but you gotta pick your battles.”
An embarrassing moment occurred in between the first and second quarter of the day when the CEO of the company visited Will’s cubicle.
IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR JUSTICE – YOU’VE COME TO THE WRONG PLACE
Second Quarter of the Work Day
Later in the second quarter of the day, Will’s sales game cooled off as he was rejected 3 straight times causing his boss to call him into his office. After a brief discussion Will came out and immediately hit a three-figure sale.
Using this momentum, Will had one of the best moments the office has ever seen.
G-G-G-G- CHAT IT
Will went to lunch with an impressive first half to the work day. Let’s see if he can keep it up in the second.
I can report that an incident did happen at lunch between Mindy and Will. Now we’re still looking to confirm this but sources are telling us that Will made some sort of inappropriate joke about blind people, not knowing that Mindy’s brother is in fact blind. There appears to be a lot of tension between the two but Will refuses to acknowledge the incident saying, – quote – “I’m only worried about the rest of this Wednesday afternoon.”
Third Quarter of the Day
In perhaps the worst quarter Will has ever had, he went 0-9 on sales calls and managed to break the office printer when he found it was out of toner. His boss gave him a warning – meaning the next time would result in a one-day suspension.
In an utterly embarrassing moment, Will was asked to turn in his time sheets to which he purposefully spilled a drink on his laptop. The sales manager gave Will another day to complete the time sheet as a result to the exaggerated spill. Co-workers rolled their eyes but accepted that Will simply took advantage of the existing system in the office.
3rd QUARTER WORK CHART / CUBICLE CARCOSA
I did speak to the sales manager between the third and fourth quarter of the day and he said that Will went back to the training room to speak with more experienced sales men. Afterwards Will came back to his desk, turned on his Spotify and blared “The Devil is a Lie.” Clyde the IT guy said, “I asked him to keep it down but he gave me a behind the back middle finger. He was as poised and determined as I’ve ever seen him.”
Fourth Quarter of the Day
A rough start to the quarter for Will when he turned to speak with Mindy and noticed she was wearing headphones. Even though she put up a defensive stop, Will took to g-chat, only to be blocked by the dreaded red busy (I’m too good for you) sign.
EXCUSE ME MRS. BUSY BODY
After the Mindy snub, Will completely changed his sales game. Will had a sick rejection on an incoming customer call that boosted his confidence, followed by Will screaming to the entire office…
I’M THE ONE WHO CALLS
Soon after, Will sent a goofy Jimmy Fallon/Justin Timberlake YouTube video to his co-workers in a mass email resulting in a crazy 14 email forwards and a record high, 38 reply-alls from the office. Will also cleaned up the area around his cubicle. This allowed for some fantastic spacing on the floor which resulted in one of the most incredible finishes we’ve ever seen. Will put up an amazing 7-9 in sales calls for a clutch $4.9K during the last 5 minutes of the day.
Who knows if today was enough to put Will over the edge in the MVE race but he did finish the day with a very impressive box score. He had 19 successful sales for a grand total of $16K in total sales and managed to grab 8 endorsements on Linked In, His sales manager commented “He’s a sales-star. That’s what he does.” When asked about the Mindy snub, the coach refused to comment.
To top everything off, the CEO paid another visit to Will’s cubicle with the moment of the night.
BUMP AND GRIND
Shouts to @bmfort for giving ideas on this.