Utah Jazz Scouting Report

NBA: Utah Jazz at Dallas Mavericks

On November 12, the (now 3-15) Utah Jazz sent a gang of scouts to Chicago to view some of the 2014 draft’s top talent in the State Farm Champions classic. Ballerball has uncovered one Jazz scout’s notes on three of the night’s top prospects.

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Andrew Wiggins

wiggins

Strengths

  • The 8th wonder of the world
  • Like seeing a puma in its natural habitat
  • Would beat Marvin Williams 100-0 in a game of 1-on-1

Weaknesses

  • Got weird when I hugged him for too long after the game
  • Only one of him and I would like one million please

Julius Randle

Julius Randle

Strengths

  • Has the strength of many men combined
  • A great and ferocious warrior
  • Also a fair and gentle soul, I can just tell
  • Could pull a tree from the ground by its roots
  • Soft hands that I am down to cuddle with

Weaknesses

  • Is not ten feet tall, for, if he were, he could conquer the world!
  • His bravery is wasted on basketball and should be channeled towards defending democracy and protecting those who cannot protect themselves

Jabari Parker

Jabari Parker

Strengths

  • Was like 2 hours of listening to the Beatles for the first time while making out with the captain of the cheerleading team as Jay-Z stands by giving me an endless series of high-fives and calling me his “#1 best friend” over and over and over again

Weaknesses

  • After watching him, makes me want to punch Richard Jefferson (sorry, Richard)
  • Permanently altered my brain chemistry and now I think about him all the time just want more and don’t care how much it costs me!
  • What if we don’t get him, OMG I don’t even want to think about what I’d do

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