Writing about Space Jam is not breaking any ground. It has been done too much on the internet. But since tomorrow is the NBA Draft, I was curious about what each team would do if they could only draft from the Tune Squad. We are using the current Draft order and taking this very seriously.
1. Cleveland Cavaliers, Michael Jordan
Striking out with Anthony Bennett last year, Cavs need a sure thing. Pairing Jordan with Irving would make the Cavs one of the best backcourts in the league.
Pros: The best player of all time. Great motor and basketball IQ.
Cons: Will have to compete with Dion Waiters for starting 2 guard.
2. Milwaukee Bucks, Lola Bunny
The Bucks new ownership needs something to get its fanbase excited. Pairing Lola with the Greek Freak would make for some high risk/high impact basketball. She’s relatively new to the Looney Tunes game so it would be a gamble but a smart gamble.
Pros: Great length, high intensity. Swagger.
Cons: Unproven and could have a bit of an attitude problem.
3. Philadelphia 76ers, Bugs Bunny
New GM Sam Henke is all about assets and drafting Bugs give the 76ers flexibility to package Thaddeus Young in a worthwhile trade. Keep an eye on the 76ers to use this pick to leverage a trade.
Pros: Plays multiple positions, great leadership.
Cons: Constantly questions teams’ Docs. Sometimes dresses up as a girl bunny to confuse people.
4. Orlando Magic, Taz
Magic have the luxury to roll the dice this year. They can find scoring via a trade. If they are looking for Matrix 2.0 then this is the guy. When he is on the court great things happens.
Pros: Hustle machine, intensity. Gives you 100% all of the time.
Cons: Sometimes eats the balls. Could be difficult to coach. Has tendency to tear his jersey to shreds.
5. Utah Jazz, Yosemite Sam
Utah has picked so many front court players that haven’t worked out. They can’t afford to gamble again on an unproven big. Sam is as feisty as they get and pairing him with Trey Burke would be a devastating back court. He comes from a small town and would fit in with Utah’s culture.
Pros: Experience and confidence
Cons: Small for his position, off court issues (guns)
6. Boston Celtics, Foghorn Leghorn
Danny Ainge has done a wonderful job rebuilding on the fly. Brad Stevens wants to win now so if they don’t trade Rondo look for them to draft Leghorn. Boston needs a mobile big man they can pair with Rondo for pick and roll situations.
Pros: Size, great length. I think can fly maybe?
Cons: Tends to get distracted, can be exhausting in time out situations.
7. Los Angeles Lakers, Bill Murray
The Lakers cannot afford to rebuild. They signed Kobe to a massive extension and might lose Pau Gasol. For the first time in their franchise they are in jeopardy in being the second most popular team in LA. The Lakers need to make a splash. Murray can help get Laker Nation excited again. Historically, Murray is a six man but when you are drafting at 7, you take a proven six man over a gamble.
Pros: Star power, charisma.
Cons: Doesn’t play defense. Also did two Garfields.
8. Sacramento Kings, Daffy Duck
If Daffy falls to the number 8 spot look for the Kings to take him. Even though Daffy started for the Tune Squad, I wouldn’t take him this high. Daffy has hit his ceiling and who knows how much he has left in the tank. The Kings will talk themselves into picking Daffy as a safe pick but I think they can probably get someone of his caliber from the Waiver Wire or Tiny Tunes.
Pros: Makes the most out of limited athleticism
Cons: Attitude, can be toxic in a locker room.
9. Charlotte Hornets, Roadrunner
Hornets basketball is back in Charlotte. They got a taste of playoff basketball and have an offensive anchor in Al Jefferson. They need a way to get easy baskets. Even though Roadrunner didn’t play much for the Tune Squad, he has one elite skill. Roadrunner’s elite skill is speed, he is a one man fast break and can be their Leandro Barbosa type.
Pros: Speed! Also if someone paints a fake tunnel into a cliff, Roadrunner won’t run into the cliff but actually go through the tunnel somehow!
Cons. Communication is an issue. Also has an angry boyfriend that always seems to come around and cause drama (tnt, huge pianos, anvils, etc)
10. Philadelphia 76ers, Pepe Le Pew
Sam Henke is in no hurry. This is going to be a young team with time to grow. Look for them to draft a Euro they can stash overseas. Le Pew is a star in the French League and can help the 76ers in a couple of years or be an asset to help them get a next level player.
Pros: Passionate, When he has the ball people seem to clear out of his way.
Cons: Hygiene, also very amorous. Classic “cat-fish” candidate could be duped by someone (hot cats with a white stripe painted on them)
11. Denver Nuggets, Elmer Fudd
The Denver Nuggets need a calming veteran presence. The team went into a tailspin after trading away Andre Miller last year. The Nuggets could go a number of ways. If La Pew is available they could draft him and have him play right away for the injured Gallinari but I think Fudd will fall to the Nuggets.
Pros: Veteran Presence, hunts for opportunities.
Cons: Like really old, also off court gun issues. Trouble saying “R”’s.
12. Orlando Magic, Tweety Bird
Magic have two picks in this lottery so they have the opportunity to swing for the fences. Tweety is a classic overachiever. If they play him with Jameer Nelson it could be a bad defensive line up but both of those guys could get anywhere they want on the court. Look for the Magic to scoop up Tweety at 12.
Pros: Quick, Smart, High Motor.
Cons: Basically a baby bird.
13. Minnesota Timberwolves, Porky Pig
The shadow of Kevin Love looms over this entire draft. They need someone who is a great locker room presence, a lovable character who can help off court as well as on.
Pros: Likable, Intangibles
14. Phoenix Suns, Sylvester
Look for the Suns to trade this pick. Sylvester is good but Basketball seems to not be his priority. Suns are in a great place with a ton of cap room they will probably package this pick to make a run at a major free agent. If a deal falls through look for them to draft Sylvester.
Pros: Cat like reflexes
Cons: Motivation, eating other people.
15. Atlanta Hawks, Stan Podolak
Hawks need rebounding. They also need someone to do the dirty work. Polodak can play two ways and is not afraid to bang under the boards.