The Poor Play of Roy Hibbert

sad roy

Roy Hibbert has been less than stellar this post-season. His acting on Parks & Rec has been more prolific than his play thus far in the time of year when it really counts. He was almost a non-factor for the entire Hawks series, up until a mediocre Game 7 performance that people thought might pull him out of his SLUMP. Last night he was back to his old, post-season ways, laying a massive, Godzilla sized egg in the Pacers Game 1 loss to a suddenly horrifying Wizards team.

At one point last night, the camera showed Hibbert on the bench after he picked up his fourth foul on a silly attempt to block out a Wiz player by shoving him in the back. Hibbert looked sad, dejected. His eyes low and sorrowful. He looked like a dog after the homeowners leave the house. I kind of felt sorry for him, because it’s clearly killing him to be playing this poorly.

But the world kicks you when you’re down, I guess. Hibbert has looked bad. Here’s a list of things that are better than he is right now.

A wet beach towel

Legless pants

A Rex Grossman jersey

A cup with a hole in it

Robert DeNiro comedies

Vacation homes without hot tubs

Cats

The musical “Cats”

That song “Memory” from the musical “Cats”

Halloween

Keith Closs

Mexican food places that don’t offer tortillas

Sonic commercials without the two main guys

That red-headed girl in the Wendy’s commercials

Flo from Progressive

Yellow jeans

Mike Fratello

Reggie Miller’s ability as an analyst

The Honda Element

Skinny Kia Hamsters

Everything that happens in Django Unchained after the house blows up

The last season of The Office

People who actually use the Thundersticks at sporting events

A jump shot from Ben Wallace

Robert Duvall having only won one Oscar

Shaquille O’Neal’s voice

The KFC Double Down

Falling Skies Promos

Charmed

Samsung’s new LeBron app

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