The Knicks Passover Seder: Hosted by Amar’e

20798-650-366

20798-650-366

Since visiting Israel in 2010, Knicks power forward Amar’e Stoudemire has frequently publicly expressed his interest in Judaism, and revealed his gradual adoption of its rituals and practices. This year, he hosted his Knicks teammates for his first Passover Seder and kept a running diary of what transpired, revealed below.

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6:15 pm – I’m so excited to host my first Passover Seder! I invited all the Knicks over, the Mrs. has been cooking up a storm, and I’ve got the settings all ready. People are getting here in 45 minutes and I can’t wait!! This is gonna be so great!

6:50 pm –Novak showed up 15 minutes early… Ugh! He’s so awkward to talk to 1-on-1. We chatted about how it feels like winter is never gonna end, then sat there in silence for a while ‘til I finally just made up that I had to go to the bathroom. Now I’m sitting in here on the toilet checking my Instagram until other people show up.

7:20 pm – People are here now! I can’t wait to get going! SO PUMPED!

7:35 pm – We’re off to a kinda rough start. We nailed the Kadesh, but when we got to the Urchatz – the ritual hand washing – Novak messed up and put Gatorade in the cleansing pitcher instead of water!! Now Kenyon’s hands are sticky and his sleeves are covered in Lemon-Lime. Once a water boy, always a water boy I guess. Tempers flared for a second, but we seem ok now…

7:50 pm – Coach Woodson just got up from the table and said, “Excuse me, Hagaddah use the restroom.” He’s so corny!

8:05 pm – Things are not getting better. When we got to the Yachatz, the place in the ceremony where the Seder leader breaks matzah to commence the meal, Carmelo insisted on breaking the matzah himself. EVERBODY told him to chill out and just let me break the matzah, but he got upset and started yelling and then grabbed all the matzah off the table and went and locked himself in the garage until we changed our mind. He finally agreed to come back when we told him we could break the matzah together.  It cracked into like 30 pieces and got all over the place. Matzah-breaking is a one man job.

8:20 pm – Tyson was great as the “Wise Child” during the Four Questions. Mad respect. That’s a man who knows how this night is different from all other nights.

8:55 pm – Shumpert put too many bitter herbs on his matzah and threw up all over the place. I told him it was too much, but he was like “Nah, man, I got this!” What a fool….

9:05 pm – We just hid the afikomen for J.R. We put it under the couch in the living room so it won’t take long for him to find.

9:50 pm – J.R. finally found it. He looked everywhere but under the couch. We even put a trail of crumbs near the couch and it still took him 40 minutes to check there. Unbelievable. SMH.

10:00 pm – Coach Woodson just got up and said, “Fellas, I’ve got an early morning so, unfortunately, Hagaddah head home!” It was actually funnier the second time.

10:20 – Thing are much better now. We had some hiccups at the beginning but we got through the ceremony. Now everyone is just hanging out and having a good time.  J-Kidd tells the funniest stories. I love these guys. Passover is great.

~Amar’e

 

(*This isn’t real.  You knew that already.*)

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