The Diabolical League Pass Conspiracy



At first, I thought it was just me.

However, my wife noticed a change too.

Every time she walked into the room, she would hear the stupid clanging of a lite-Metallica cover band, its sound only slightly more acceptable than an all-day Radio Disney marathon.

“What’s happening? Isn’t the game supposed to be on?” my wife asked.

“It’s a commercial, I guess. I’ll try another game.”

It was the same thing. Why is the NBA that interested in a rock-off between Hoobastank and 30 Seconds To Mars?

“They don’t have any other music?” my wife said.

“No, I think this is it.” I said.

“But at least the game, will come back on right?”

“I think so. Let me try again.”

I kept flipping through.

“Oh, here’s something.” The Pacers were playing. But then I had heard Quinn Buckner’s maniacal laugh and the play-by-play guy offering a plug for some new Dodge Rams. Their own music started up…and then BAM: that vamp.

That unending vamp. It was sucking us dry.

Right when I flipped to another game, it would soon be a commercial break or the halftime. By the time I couldn’t stand that horrible music anymore and the unending line of of zeros from the Orlando Magic bench mob, I’d try another game only to be met with the same fate.

Yes, it seemed that the games were being played in some other universe, somewhere, but apparently not the actual League Pass world. As if Fred Durst’s new gig is the League Pass contra operator assisted by Gerard Way–perfectly timing it so that anytime a game would head to commercial, the other game you flipped to would go to commercial or start you on an incredible meditative jag into halftime.

Now, Internet, I am coming to you for answers.
How is this happening? What should we do to stop it? Why should we be forced to live through the horrific music of our adolescence again?

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