The Chosen One : Episodes I, II, and III

Lebron anakin kids

A long time ago in a basketball galaxy far, far away...

Cleveland sports is in disarray The fans have been suffering for nearly 50 years. They haven’t won a championship since 1964! With moments like, “The Catch”, “The Trade”, “The Drive”, “The Fumble”, “The Move”, and “The Slip”, it’s safe to say that the fans there were searching for an answer. They were searching for a hero to lead them out of the darkness of losing and in the light of a championship. They were searching for… A Chosen One.

Much like Cleveland, the jedi in Star Wars were in hot pursuit of a chosen one. Someone who would bring a balance to the force.

( Is it just me or was the “balance” heavily favored toward The Jedi, at this point. I mean there was no sith, right? Seems like a good situation for the jedi to me. Why are they searching? If the force ain’t a-broken, don’t a-fix it. But that’s just me. )

But without further ado, let us dive into yet another Lebron comparison because, well… everybody’s doing it

Episode I

“He… is the Chosen One. He… will bring balance”

– Qui-Gon Jinn

In Cleveland, the search for a chosen one had ended. There was a young high school student named Lebron James who was raised by a single mother in Akron, Ohio.  At a very young age, he was an incredible freak of human talent. At one point he was named “Ohio’s Mr. Basketball.” When it was known that he would enter the 03′ draft and that the #1 pick in the draft would go to The Cleveland Cavaliers, Ohio had found its chosen one. I mean, Lebron finished high school with 2,657 points, 892 rebounds, and 523 assists. In the Star Wars galaxy, his midichlorian count would have been off the charts. Speaking of Star Wars…

“You refer to the prophecy of The One who will bring balance to the Force. You believe it’s this boy?”

– Mace Windu

The Jedi had also found their chosen one. He was a young boy who was raised by a single mother in Tatooine. Much like Akron, Tatooine wasn’t the greatest place to grow up. Gang violence had plagued the town. Tatooine’s gangs were very Hutt related, while Akron seemed to be Hutt-free. (We are looking into that, though) Anakin’s midichlorian stat sheet was off the charts. He was a multi-talented little machine. For some reason, the jedi thought the boy might be too old, but he was like, SO the chosen one, that they went ahead and scooped him up and trained him anyway. And it looks like we have ourselves a couple of chosen ones.

Episode II

“Sometimes there are things no one can fix”.

-Padme Amidala

Lebron James was the most popular thing in Ohio and he was on a mission to bring Cleveland a championship. He would go on to win Rookie of the Year, went to several All Star games, won 2 league MVP’s, and even took The Cavs to The NBA Finals. He was oh-so-close to fulfilling the prophecy. Lebron would quickly find that even with all the talent in the world, it wouldn’t be easy to win a championship in Cleveland.

“Someday I will be the most powerful Jedi ever.”

– Anakin Skywalker

Anakin Skywalker is clearly the up and coming jedi in the galaxy. I mean, if you think it’s that douchebag from Cato Neimoidia, you might as well “x” out of this tab, grab your coat, and march. Anakin was progressing faster than many jedi had ever seen! Yet, he was very cocky. He figured he would easily understand the force, become a master, and ultimately bring balance to the force. Dude was wrong and dude was angry.

Episode III

“Something’s happening. I’m not the Jedi I should be. I want more.”

– Anakin Skywalker

The inevitable was happening in Cleveland and that’s a little thing called Free Agency. Lebron was about to hit the market giving very few clues as to what he was actually going to do. Was he going to continue on his quest to bring a championship and restoring balance to Cleveland or would he realize that he be convinced that he could not achieve ultimate power on his own and look to an outside source for his quest for a championship? Cleveland could do nothing but wait.

“Anakin, you’re breaking my heart!”

– Padme Amidala

Anakin Skywalker was also faced with a choice. You see, he was always on the quest to fulfill the prophesy and bring balance to the force, but he was convinced that this would be achieved through more power. He too was tempted with the idea of joining forces with other powerful men. Would he be a patient and noble jedi and fulfill his prophesy or will he give into the temptation of a graying old man (not Pat Riley) and rule the galaxy?

“Anakin has turned to the Dark Side? 

You’re wrong! How could you even SAY that?”

 –  Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padme Amidala

So a decision was coming. Rumors of Cleveland’s dreams being shattered were running wild and word on the street was that Anakin had defected. Those who loved these men the most would not believe that they would do this awful and unspeakable things… until it happened.

“I pledge myself to your teachings. To the ways of the Sith.”


“I’m taking my talents to South Beach”

And just like that… anarchy! Forces joined. Fire in the streets. Kids used as pawns in a little game. (Ok… Anakin killed kids and Lebron gave to charity.) Most importantly, Cleveland and The Jedi are both being dismembered and left for dead by the very things the invested everything into. The Chosen One had left. The Chosen is not Anakin Skywalker. To the people of Cleveland, The Chosen One is not Lebron James. Both men had joined the dark side and would never return.

“You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them. You were to bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness.”

– Obi-Wan Kenobi

***Come back next week for The Chosen One: Episodes IV, V, and VI***


  • Reply October 19, 2012

    Chosen One

    The world doesn’t feel sorry or even empathize with Cleveland….at all. So PLEASE PLEASE move on and get over it….

    • Reply October 19, 2012


      I agree. It’s like the writer has never even been to Cleveland. Doof.

Leave a Reply