Shaq Analyzes a Cantaloupe



This melon needs to step it up and be a melon. Real melons win championships. I don’t like the way this melon came out tonight. Dark orange interior isn’t gonna get it done.  This melon needs to be averaging a light orange interior every night.  If you’re not gonna do that then pick it up somewhere else. Be juicy. Tonight, this melon was neither and that’s not gonna get it done.

Back when I was a melon, I averaged a light orange interior every night for a decade. If I was havin’ an off night, I’d try and pick it up somewhere else. I always came out juicy. I was the most dominant/juicy melon there ever was.

Dominant or Dominate? Think I’m going with dominant. Also, step it up.

shaq and melon


This melon came out soft tonight. Not gonna get it done. This melon needs to step up it up. Seeds get in my mouth and I don’t like it. I don’t like it. Seeds are soft. Not gonna get it done. Once this melon starts averaging no seeds and stops being soft then I predict it will dominate and step it up.

The great melons needs to go back and watch films of some of the legends; watermelon, honeydew, Shaq…  those are the real melons that demand attention and dominate. This melon doesn’t demand attention and can’t get other melons involved. Gotta step it up. Not gonna get it done. Dominate.

If this melon wants to get it done, then I’d first like to see it come out and get it done.  After that, dominate.  If this melon doesn’t step it up, then it won’t step it up meaning, it won’t be dominating by stepping up, which doesn’t get it done.

*BIRDMAN BIRDMAN* — Tackles lady buying cabbage — *BIRDMAN BIRDMAN*



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