Me: Tell me about Russell Westbrook?
Character from Fargo: Ya know…
There was an old priest who lived in the woods, must’ve been 20-30 years ago. The town painted him as a loner because, ya know, due to the livin’ in the woods. No one ever saw the priest, except for every other Tuesday. You’d think it would be Sundays but no, it was Tuesdays. When the priest went to town, he always did the same thing, go to the local market to purchase a pint of milk and make a stop by the post office. That was it.
Finally, the people started askin’ questions about what made the priest a priest. He had the collar and the robe – always carried his bible, least I think it was a bible, but he never spoke to anyone – never listened to confessions or anything. That’s when the townspeople decided that he was no longer worthy of the term “priest” and stripped him of the title. And that was that.
Until the followin’ Sunday somethin’… unbelievable happened. The people heard this noise comin’ from the hill. They all came out of there homes and saw great big fire blazin’ from up the hill and it was comin’ right for them. The fire took out the whole town – not a single home was spared. It looked like a… the apocalypse had come. That’s a real thing, ya know – the apocalypse. Read revelations 7:1-17 and you’ll see. Now, this is gonna sound unbelievable but hand-to-god it’s the truth. After the fire, the priest began floatin’ over the town, ya know… like a balloon or blimp or somethin’. That’s when the people knew that he did have close relations with god. So everyone in the town fell to their knees and started askin’ for forgiveness from the priest, who was still floatin’ above them.
The priest told the people “you are forgiven” and everyone self combusted on the spot.
Anyways, I better get back to it. The Mrs. is cookin’ roast tonight. You boys stay safe, ok.