RAPID REACTION: Last Night’s Argument – NBA Expert vs. Girlfriend


I love a good race as much as the next blogger – but lately I’ve been feeling that our rapid reactions – maybe a little too rapid.  If we pen down our thoughts 5 minutes after a game, we are in the height of our emotional state.  We haven’t had a chance to calm ourselves and really look at what we saw from a rationalized stand-point.  Should we be analyzing “what this game means” 5 minutes after it ended?  Should we?

I mean… what if we did this for, say — I don’t know — a petty fight with our girlfrinds?

I decided to to have our NBA expert give his Rapid Reaction to a fight he had with his girlfriend – just 5 minutes ago.




Written by: NBA Expert

How it happened:  Both sides had been peaceful for quite some time now.

Then one side decided they were going to wake up and be super nice to our waiter and then treat me like I’m a piece of garbage.

I have a strong policy when it comes to this – It’s called F-THAT.

She’s all smiles to the waiter but as soon as it’s just the two of us – she turns into an angry lunatic.   I forgot – was it her that paid for last night’s dinner – oh no – that was someone else. Who could it -YEAH IT WAS ME.  Ungrateful… is what it is.

So me being the only logical person at the table, asked a very simple question that even a two year-old could answer and that was… “Honey, could you please stop being a whore?”

She got all mad – called me a douche – and we argued for 5-10 minutes. Then when we left Chili’s, she claimed she wasn’t going to speak to me for the rest of the night.  Once again – I FORGOT WHO PAID FOR DINNER – I DID!  IT WAS ME!  So I’m letting her know what I think.

We get to the apartment (MY APARTMENT) and she goes straight into the bathroom and she’s still ignoring me.  YEAH, I’M BEING UNREASONABLE.  She comes out of the bathroom and goes right to bed without a word.  If she actually thinks this is going to stop me from speaking my mind – she’s wrong!

I asked her, “So you’re just gonna lay there”.  And she does.  I guess we are just going to live like monkeys and never speak again.  Mature.

Then get this – she picks up her phone and starts texting Tiffany and laughing and stuff.  I said “Oh – so you’re just gonna text and laugh and stuff?!”

Finally, she just rolled over and went to bed.  I can’t even talk right now!

What it means:  Well it means she’s a whore.

Stat of the night:  Our waiter came to our table 8 times and got like 16 smiles.  I got a total of ZERO smiles tonight.  Also – You’ve never ONCE put yourself in my shoes!

Move of the night: When we argued she said, “Don’t speak to me that way”.”   Then I said, “Uh… Last time I checked my mouth, and the words that come out of it, are brought to you by American Freedom.”

Got her.

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