Yesterday, the Brooklyn Nets and Toronto Raptors squared off in a decisive game 7 to settle their opening round Eastern Conference playoff series. As the matchup unfolded, it begged the question: Is this the least compelling game 7 in NBA history? To get an answer, we went to our trusty “Point: Counterpoint” format.
Point: The Eastern Conference playoffs are to the Western Conference playoffs what it was like when two Truman Capote biopics were released within months of each other in 2005, except one starred Phillip Seymour Hoffman, for which he won an Oscar for Best Actor, and the other starred Toby Jones, otherwise known as the voice of “Dobby” in the Harry Potter movies. These were on the same topic, but they were not equal.
Counterpoint: Game 7s are like pizza, even when they’re bad, they’re good.
Point: This game was not only a product of the lesser Conference, the prize of winning it was simply moving on to be put to death in 5 games by LeBron in the next round. In Hollywood terms, this would be like having a two-week death match to earn a small, non-speaking role in the Truman Capote biopic Infamous, starring Toby Jones.
Counterpoint: Games 7s are like sex, even when they’re bad, they’re good.
Point: The game was stacked between the Clippers & Warriors twelve hours earlier and the Mavs & Spurs two hours later. This is like being the lettuce on a cheeseburger: Nobody cares about the lettuce on a cheeseburger, and a lot of people are going to use that time to do chores around the house instead of watching.
Counterpoint: Game 7s are like new episodes of Game of Thrones, even when they’re bad, they’re good.
Point: This game was being played between one of the youngest rosters in the league, and what I have to presume is the oldest roster in professional sports history. There was absolutely zero natural rivalry between these two squads, unless at some point Paul Pierce and DeMar DeRozan came to blows arguing the merits of the old and new incarnations of 90210.
Counterpoint: Actually, I take back my previous statement. Some episodes of Game of Thrones are just super confusing. Those are not good. Can somebody please explain what’s going on beyond the wall to me?
Point: This game was played in Canada, where it failed to even make a dent in local TV ratings, lagging behind programs including: Where Are Those Golden Princes Now?, aspecial on the 1999-2000 division champion Maple Leafs; Caribou Stuff, a nature documentary on stuff about caribou; and Top Chef: Syrup, which is self-explanatory.
Counterpoint: Reading a Game of Thrones wiki. Will get back to you later.