Denouncing My Laker Fanship Until Further Notice

February 20, 2013; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Los Angeles Lakers shooting guard Kobe Bryant (24) speaks about recently deceased owner Jerry Buss before playing against the Boston Celtics at Staples Center. Mandatory Credit: Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

To whom it may concern,

It is with great sadness I have to renounce my Laker fandom forever.

I thank the Lakers for all they gave me. Bonding time with my father and grandfather. Memories of watching Kobe, Magic, Shaq and Adam Morrison play. But most of all, the Lakers’ success has allowed me to feel superior to other people simply based on the region where I was born.

But alas I must to give them up. I do not anticipate an end to this losing, and I want to get out. I have seen what the James Dolan-era Knicks have done to my New York friends. They’ve gone from being bitter, angry, and insufferable most of the time to all of the time.

I lived through the Smushcalade years and am a proud owner of a Vlade Divac jersey. But those eras had hope. This one does not. The ownership of the Lakers is a mess. Jim Buss hired his bartender as a scout.  He’s a man who thinks he can combat male pattern baldness by wearing a baseball hat. But I have concerns about Jeannie Buss as well. Mainly because I once sat one table over from her at a restaurant and all she talked about was the features on her new Lexus. Super shallow. Also she was eating at Islands, so not the best decision maker.

The facts are that the Lakers are an archaic organization. Last in analytics. An ancient training staff that routinely produces the most injured team in the league. And the only fan base that has more douches per capita is Entourage. I can no longer be a part of this.

I know that with my departure the Lakers are losing a huge asset. As a partially employed Angelino with student loan debt, I have literally tens of dollars in disposable income each month. This allows me to maybe attend one game a year, also I have purchased 4 Laker jerseys over my lifetime. The aforementioned Vlade one, an Artest jersey and a replacement one after Ron changed his name, and then an away Metta World Peace jersey just for good measure.

I recognize losing my fandom may be a crushing blow to the franchise, therefore I will return to the Lakers if they–

  • Immediately hire a new president of basketball of operations. I want a nerd, a non ex-player, please. Knowledge of “Python and R” is a plus.
  • Loop me in any future decisions regarding the direction of the team: @tweetofmatthill on twitter.
  • Are good again.

Well, godspeed Lakers.

Sincerely,

Matt Hill

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