NBA Sales Calls: Mo Williams

mo williams


Did you know that free agent, Mo Williams, used to not only be an NBA All Star, but an amazing telemarketer?  It’s true!  And he’s using his cold-calling skills to find himself a solid team to play for.  As usual, we were somehow able to get the transcripts of these conversations.  Let’s take a look.


9:01 a.m. – Golden State Warriors

Lacob: Hello?
Williams: Hi there, sir.  I hope you are well.  My name is Mo and I’ve got some exciting news involving your point guard situation.  Say, how much are your yearly point guard payments?
Lacob: Yeah.  You know, we are all covered on our point guard position.  But tell you what, why don’t you email me what you got and I’ll take a look.
Williams:  Oh ok.  What’s your email address?
Williams: Ok.
Lacob:  Good luck!

2:04 p.m. – Houston Rockets


Morey: Swag central.  This is Morey.

Williams:  Hi sir.  I’ve got a question.  Have you evaluated your point guard needs lately?

Morey: Literally, 3 seconds ago I did that.

Williams:  Perfect, because Mo Williams is having a sale on himself!

Morey: Yeah, let me make a few phone calls.  Hold on.

Williams:  No!  Wait, sir!  Uh… the policy is, you can’t resell Mo Williams.  It’s strictly prohibited.

Morey:  That’s cute.

Williams:  Serious.

Morey:  Look.  I love a good deal, but since we’ve been on the phone I’ve signed and traded 3 point guards, 2 power forwards, 14 draft picks.  That’s how I roll, buddy.

Williams:  Oh.

Morey:  Well… do you play ping-pong?

Williams:  Uh… Not really.

Morey: *click*


12:22 p.m. – Miami Heat

Riley:  Yeah.
Williams:  Hi sir… wo- 
Riley: Is this a sales call?
Williams:  It’s an opportunity call, sir.  
Riley: Yeah.  I make my own opportunity.  Thanks.
Williams:  Uh!  What if I told you, you get a free bottle of hair gel for just hearing me out!
Riley:  Now you’re talkin’.  You’ve got 5 seconds.
Williams:  Uh.  Well I’m selling Mo Williams.  He would be the best PG you guys have had since Tim Hardaway and…
Riley:  Aaaaaaand times up.  Send the hair gel to the AAA.  Don’t call back. 
Williams:  Wait!
Riley.  Never.  Bye. 

4:32 p.m. – Atlanta Hawks


Ferry:  You got him.
Williams: Oh hi, sir.  My name is Mo.  Sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to take a quick second to discuss your team’s roster. 
Ferry:  What about my roster?
Williams:  Well, I’ve done my research and did you know that 2 our of 5 NBA teams don’t have a quality point guard?  
Ferry: You don’t say?
Williams:  Yes.  And as a result, millions and millions of fans suffer world-wide.  We here at Mo Williams, believe that we’ve found a solution to all your point guard needs.  It’s called sign Mo Williams.  It’s cheap.  It’s effective, and by-golly… it get’s the job done.
Ferry:  Huh.  Yeah, I don’t know…
Williams:  Well, let me ask you something, sir.  How were your assist numbers last year?  
Ferry:  Uh… I believe Teague had 5 a game and Harris was at 3.7.
Williams:  What if I told you that Mo Williams was at 6.7 assists per game.  How does that sound?
Ferry:  To good to be true!  How do I sign up?  

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