Did you know that free agent, Mo Williams, used to not only be an NBA All Star, but an amazing telemarketer? It’s true! And he’s using his cold-calling skills to find himself a solid team to play for. As usual, we were somehow able to get the transcripts of these conversations. Let’s take a look.
9:01 a.m. – Golden State WarriorsLacob: Hello? Williams: Hi there, sir. I hope you are well. My name is Mo and I’ve got some exciting news involving your point guard situation. Say, how much are your yearly point guard payments? Lacob: Yeah. You know, we are all covered on our point guard position. But tell you what, why don’t you email me what you got and I’ll take a look. Williams: Oh ok. What’s your email address? Lacob: DubsDude12@yahoo.com Williams: Ok. Lacob: Good luck!
2:04 p.m. – Houston Rockets
Morey: Swag central. This is Morey.
Williams: Hi sir. I’ve got a question. Have you evaluated your point guard needs lately?
Morey: Literally, 3 seconds ago I did that.
Williams: Perfect, because Mo Williams is having a sale on himself!
Morey: Yeah, let me make a few phone calls. Hold on.
Williams: No! Wait, sir! Uh… the policy is, you can’t resell Mo Williams. It’s strictly prohibited.
Morey: That’s cute.
Morey: Look. I love a good deal, but since we’ve been on the phone I’ve signed and traded 3 point guards, 2 power forwards, 14 draft picks. That’s how I roll, buddy.
Morey: Well… do you play ping-pong?
Williams: Uh… Not really.
12:22 p.m. – Miami HeatRiley: Yeah. Williams: Hi sir… wo- Riley: Is this a sales call? Williams: It’s an opportunity call, sir. Riley: Yeah. I make my own opportunity. Thanks. Williams: Uh! What if I told you, you get a free bottle of hair gel for just hearing me out! Riley: Now you’re talkin’. You’ve got 5 seconds. Williams: Uh. Well I’m selling Mo Williams. He would be the best PG you guys have had since Tim Hardaway and… Riley: Aaaaaaand times up. Send the hair gel to the AAA. Don’t call back. Williams: Wait! Riley. Never. Bye.
4:32 p.m. – Atlanta Hawks
Ferry: You got him. Williams: Oh hi, sir. My name is Mo. Sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to take a quick second to discuss your team’s roster. Ferry: What about my roster? Williams: Well, I’ve done my research and did you know that 2 our of 5 NBA teams don’t have a quality point guard? Ferry: You don’t say? Williams: Yes. And as a result, millions and millions of fans suffer world-wide. We here at Mo Williams, believe that we’ve found a solution to all your point guard needs. It’s called sign Mo Williams. It’s cheap. It’s effective, and by-golly… it get’s the job done. Ferry: Huh. Yeah, I don’t know… Williams: Well, let me ask you something, sir. How were your assist numbers last year? Ferry: Uh… I believe Teague had 5 a game and Harris was at 3.7. Williams: What if I told you that Mo Williams was at 6.7 assists per game. How does that sound? Ferry: To good to be true! How do I sign up?