Look, I love basketball as much as the next guy who runs a satirical basketball blog, but having NBA games on TV in the middle of the work day really screws up my schedule.
I had to do a live-blog on the Memphis Grizzlies/Indiana Pacers match… but I also run a blog called “BallerLaw” where I live-blog Basic Cable Courtroom Reality TV Shows.
The problem is, I had to do both at the same time and I seemed to have mixed up my notes. So guess what world, you’ll be getting a live-blog of the Grizz/Pacers game – mixed in with a live-blog of Judge Mathis.
*Judge Mathis Live-Blog in Blue
11:22 – We start things with a little “battle of the bigs!” Marc Gasol kicks things off with a duece and David West comes right back. We’re tied at 2 a piece.
1:23 – Judge Mathis kicks things off with his usual sass! He welcomes in Chad and Guthrie as they dispute a broken lawn mower. Chad is sporting a SICK purple tie but Guthrie has some fresh blonde tips. I call it a tie in the looks dept.
3:34 – Roy Hibert makes a SPLASHY lay up with a pretty dime from Paul George.
14:23 – Judge Mathis dishes up a sweet “DID I FINISH?!” to Chad. Chad was trying to explain why Guthrie ruined his lawn mower when he borrowed it for his annual “Guthrie Garden Party.” While he may have a point – it is a fatal error to interrupt Judge Mathis.
00:00 – End of the First. Memphis gets back-to-back jumpers from Marreese Speights and Wayne Ellington to give them a 27-26 lead over Indiana. Ellington leads all scorers with 8 points off the bench.
9:11 – Ian Mahinmi gets a fantastic block on Darrell Arthur. GET THAT OUTTA HERE!
16:43 – Guthrie brings a witness named Misty with him and lets her speak. She has some SICK testimony!
2:27 – Lance Stephenson lays in a nifty layup assisted by David West. The Grizz look like they are in some SERIOUS trouble.
19:22 – Judge Mathis takes a look a some nice PICS of the lawnmower. He’s carefully looking over his glasses as Chad looks along nervously. He comes to the conclusion that Guthrie is a “Lying Fool” and orders him to pay chad. NEXT CASE!
00:00 – At the half, the Pacers are up 43-39 over the Grizzlies. Low scoring game with no player in double digits.
5:45 – Zach Randolph DRIVES THE LANE and FINISHES AT THE RIM! The Grizz have taken the lead!
23:44 – The next Judge Mathis case is between Tonya and Steve. Tonya used to date Steve until Tonya stole his pet rabbit named Alex. Judge Mathis has already rolled his eyes 4 times in the first two minutes.
2:15 – Ian Mahinmi SLAM DUNK – GET THAT OUTTA HERE!
25:01 – Steve tells Judge Mathis to “HOLD UP!” – GET THAT OUTTA HERE!
00:00 – With that Orlando Johnson 3-pointer, Indiana takes a 65-63 lead over Memphis. This 4th quarter is going to be CLASSIC!
9:52 – DJ Augustine hits an UNBELIEVABLE 3-pointer to put Indiana up by two points. Paul George with the NASTY assist.
27:56 – Judge Mathis corners Tonya and asks how often she fed Alex the rabbit. Tonya studders and says “I don’t uh…” and Judge Mathis comes back with a JAW DROPPING “You DUH DUH DUH – don’t know!” The court room erupts in applause and Steve is smiling.
4:35 – Tony Allen is EVERYWHERE! He’s scrapping up EVERY loose ball he can find. The man is a worker, a warrior, and a wonder!
28:33 – Tonya’s BFF, Frank, is there to testify to Tonya’s love for Alex the Rabbit. Nobody is buying it. Steve SLICES in with a “That’s not true, sir.” And Judge Mathis REJECTS that with a “Did I ask you?!” The crowd is in the palm of the Judge’s hand.
00:01 – George Hill draws the foul and SINKS 1 of 2 free throws. The Pacers are up by one point at 82-81. TALK ABOUT PRESSURE!
29:57 – Judge Mathis gives a RIDICULOUSLY CRAZY VERDICT. He finds both the plaintiff and the defendant – “GUILTY FOR BEING A BUNCH OF IDIOTS AND WASTING HIS TIME!” Unreal! He takes Alex the rabbit home with him. Good show!
00:00 – Rudy Gay makes the bank shot for the win! But wait – HE DIDN’T GET THE SHOT OFF IN TIME. WOW! Indiana wins 82-81! That does it folks. Heck of a game. I’m off!
30:00 – That’s all for me, guys. Crazy performance by Mathis. That truly is why he’s the best. Be sure to check out BallerLaw for our weekly gavel give-a-way.