Judge Banner

 

Look, I love basketball as much as the next guy who runs a satirical basketball blog, but having NBA games on TV in the middle of the work day really screws up my schedule.

I had to do a live-blog on the Memphis Grizzlies/Indiana Pacers match… but I also run a blog called “BallerLaw” where I live-blog Basic Cable Courtroom Reality TV Shows.

The problem is, I had to do both at the same time and I seemed to have mixed up my notes.  So guess what world, you’ll be getting a live-blog of the Grizz/Pacers game – mixed in with a live-blog of Judge Mathis.

*Judge Mathis Live-Blog in Blue

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1st Quarter:

11:22 – We start things with a little “battle of the bigs!”  Marc Gasol kicks things off with a duece and David West comes right back.   We’re tied at 2 a piece.

1:23 – Judge Mathis kicks things off with his usual sass!  He welcomes in Chad and Guthrie as they dispute a broken lawn mower.  Chad is sporting a SICK purple tie but Guthrie has some fresh blonde tips.  I call it a tie in the looks dept.

3:34 – Roy Hibert makes a SPLASHY lay up with a pretty dime from Paul George.

14:23 – Judge Mathis dishes up a sweet “DID I FINISH?!” to Chad.  Chad was trying to explain why Guthrie ruined his lawn mower when he borrowed it for his annual “Guthrie Garden Party.”   While he may have a point – it is a fatal error to interrupt Judge Mathis.

00:00 – End of the First.  Memphis gets back-to-back jumpers from Marreese Speights and Wayne Ellington to give them a 27-26 lead over Indiana.  Ellington leads all scorers with 8 points off the bench.

 

2nd Quarter:

9:11 – Ian Mahinmi gets a fantastic block on Darrell Arthur.   GET THAT OUTTA HERE!

16:43 – Guthrie brings a witness named Misty with him and lets her speak.  She has some SICK testimony!

2:27 – Lance Stephenson lays in a nifty layup assisted by David West.  The Grizz look like they are in some SERIOUS trouble.

19:22 – Judge Mathis takes a look a some nice PICS of the lawnmower.  He’s carefully looking over his glasses as Chad looks along nervously.  He comes to the conclusion that Guthrie is a “Lying Fool” and orders him to pay chad.  NEXT CASE!

00:00 – At the half, the Pacers are up 43-39 over the Grizzlies.  Low scoring game with no player in double digits.

 

3rd Quarter:

5:45 – Zach Randolph DRIVES THE LANE and FINISHES AT THE RIM!  The Grizz have taken the lead!

23:44 – The next Judge Mathis case is between Tonya and Steve.  Tonya used to date Steve until Tonya stole his pet rabbit named Alex.  Judge Mathis has already rolled his eyes 4 times in the first two minutes.

2:15 – Ian Mahinmi SLAM DUNK – GET THAT OUTTA HERE!

25:01 – Steve tells Judge Mathis to “HOLD UP!” – GET THAT OUTTA HERE!

00:00 – With that Orlando Johnson 3-pointer, Indiana takes a 65-63 lead over Memphis.  This 4th quarter is going to be CLASSIC!

 

4th Quarter

9:52 – DJ Augustine hits an UNBELIEVABLE 3-pointer to put Indiana up by two points.  Paul George with the NASTY assist.

27:56 – Judge Mathis corners Tonya and asks how often she fed Alex the rabbit.  Tonya studders and says “I don’t uh…” and Judge Mathis comes back with a JAW DROPPING “You DUH DUH DUH – don’t know!”   The court room erupts in applause and Steve is smiling.

4:35 – Tony Allen is EVERYWHERE!  He’s scrapping up EVERY loose ball he can find.  The man is a worker, a warrior, and a wonder!

28:33 – Tonya’s BFF, Frank, is there to testify to Tonya’s love for Alex the Rabbit.  Nobody is buying it.  Steve SLICES in with a “That’s not true, sir.” And Judge Mathis REJECTS that with a “Did I ask you?!”  The crowd is in the palm of the Judge’s hand.

00:01 – George Hill draws the foul and SINKS 1 of 2 free throws.  The Pacers are up by one point at 82-81.  TALK ABOUT PRESSURE!

29:57 – Judge Mathis gives a RIDICULOUSLY CRAZY VERDICT.  He finds both the plaintiff and the defendant – “GUILTY FOR BEING A BUNCH OF IDIOTS AND WASTING HIS TIME!”  Unreal!  He takes Alex the rabbit home with him.  Good show!

00:00 – Rudy Gay makes the bank shot for the win!  But wait – HE DIDN’T GET THE SHOT OFF IN TIME.  WOW!  Indiana wins 82-81!  That does it folks.  Heck of a game.  I’m off!

30:00 – That’s all for me, guys.  Crazy performance by Mathis.  That truly is why he’s the best.  Be sure to check out BallerLaw for our weekly gavel give-a-way.

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