NBA FINAL TALE OF THE TAPE

trophy cover

 

Are you tired of reading senseless NBA Finals preview coverage? No… really? Wow. It’s only been a couple of days and I am already exhausted. Here is one more.

At Ballerball we try to cover the angles the rest of the media is missing out on. If you want stat based analytically writing may I suggest Zach Lowe over at Grantland. Personal insight based on years of in depth knowledge, how about Brian Windhorst? You can never go wrong checking in with our boss Henry Abbott (Sup Hank!). So with everything being written what does that leave Ballerball with? Uh…how about…uh…well…what does Wikipedia have to say about the respective towns?

 

Basic Facts and Attractions

San Antonio – 7th most populous city in America. Unemployment rate of 5.8%. Home to The River Walk, Six Flags, and a Sea World.

 

Miami – 42nd most populous city in America. Unemployment rate of 10.2%. Home to Zoo Miami, Miami, Seaquarium, and a whole ton of Jai-Alai.

 

Advantage – San Antonio – As much as I love Jai-Alai you can’t argue with unemployment under 6%. I’m nothing if not pragmatic. Were you aware that at one point Jai-Alai was poised to be the next big sport in America? We used to play a version of this in junior high. Someone would stand against a wall and everyone else would take a turn throwing a tennis ball as hard as they could at them. 13 year olds should be locked up at let out when they turn 18.


 

Notable People

San Antonio – Jackie Earle Haley, Lara Flynn Boyle, Tommy Lee Jones.

Miami – Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Rick Ross, Patricia Cornwell.

 

Advantage – Miami – Patricia Cornwell has sold over 100 million books, 30 of those to your mom. Rick Ross is in fact a Boss. ROZAY! How come everyone from San Antonio has three names? I demand members of The Spurs switch over to the three name convention. I see you Tim Theodore Duncan and William Anthony Parker.

 

 

Walkability Score

San Antonio – 40th

Miami – 8th most walkable city in America.

 

Advantage – Miami – It’s good that walking in Miami is easy because if you live there there is a 1 in 10 chance you don’t have a job and probably can’t afford to drive.



Films

San Antonio – Miss Congeniality, The Alamo

Miami – Scarface, Bad Boys, Bad Boys 2, Police Academy 5, Some Like It Hot, Cocaine Cowboys

 

Advantage – Miami – As much as you and I both love Sandra Bullock this isn’t even a contest. RIDE TOGETHER, DIE TOGETHER, BAD BOYS 4 LIFE. No joke I am watching Cocaine Cowboys on CNBC as I write this. Scarface was basically a documentary according to this film. This one dude had a helicopter and pet cougars. PET COUGARS. Take it to the limit!



Music

San Antonio – Christopher Cross, Gibby Haynes, Michael Nesmith

Miami – Gloria Estefan, Luther Campbell, Vanilla Ice, Rick Ross

 

Advantage – TIE – This one was tough but it ends up a draw. I mean, Rozay and Uncle Luke? But Gibby Haynes and Christopher Cross? I can’t choose. I won’t choose.



Famous Sportsman (Non-NBA)

Miami – Dan Marino, Bernie Kosar, Alex Rodriguez, Michael Irvin, Bill Goldberg, Bobby Allison, Chad Ochocinco, Willis McGahee, Andre Johnson, Antonio Brown, Ivan Rodriguez, Randy Johnson, José Conseco, Anna Kournikova, Jonathan Vilma

San Antonio – Shawn Michaels

 

Advantage – San Antonio – The Heartbreak Kid, The Showstopper, Mr. Wrestlemania. Next question.



Final Verdict

Well it’s close but based on my extensive use of Wikipedia if I had to make a prediction, if you made me make that call? Based on all the data I have at hand?

 

Miami in six. ROZAY ALL DAY


Be first to comment