Monta Ellis’ Agent is a Magic 8-Ball

monta ellis 8

 

Outside of watching David Stern host the NBA Draft (and take shots of Goldschlager between picks), there is no more entertaining part of the NBA offseason than the start of free agency. For teams like the Clippers, July is the first step towards becoming a Championship contender. For others like the Celtics and Bucks, it’s a way to kick off the tanking process with a bang. For players, the free agency period is when fortunes are made and bubbles are burst. Whether or not a player gets paid depends not only on their talents and marketability, but also on their agent’s ability to sell. The relationship between player and agent, and the trust they share, can make all the difference in a player’s financial future. It’s a lot like Jerry McGuire, but with a distinct lack of Cuba Gooding, Jr.

 

One of the most intriguing and compelling free agents in this year’s class is Milwaukee Bucks’ guard Monta Ellis. Mr. Ellis has been kind enough to give BallerBall complete access behind the scenes to both he and his agent as they endeavor to land a rich free agent contract. The relationship between Monta and his agent is much like a marriage. Monta is passionate to a fault. His agent is demure and stoic. More than once, I observed Monta grab his agent and shake him vigorously when he was desperate for an answer. During these exchanges, Ellis’ agent always handled his client like a pro. Much like a Buddhist monk, he always seemed to give Monta the answer he needed to hear without any bias or emotion. It was an incredible experience to watch the two of them work together. Below is a first hand account of several exchanges between Ellis and his agent at the offices of the M.E.B Agency in downtown Milwaukee.

 

One final thing worth mentioning: Monta Ellis’ agent is a Magic 8-Ball.

 

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December 15th, 2012

Ellis: Do you think I’m as good as Dwyane Wade?

M.E. Ball: It is decidedly so

 

Ellis: Is there anything he has that I don’t have?

M.E. Ball: My sources say no

 

Ellis: So would you say that I have it all?

M.E. Ball: It is certain

 

Ellis: Monta Ellis have it all. I like the sound of that. Don’t you?

M.E. Ball: Reply hazy try again

 

June 28th, 2013

Ellis: Milwaukee is offering 3 years, $35 million. Is that all I can get?

M.E. Ball: Concentrate and ask again

 

Ellis: I feel like I’m worth way more than that. Don’t you think?

M.E. Ball: Signs point to yes

 

Ellis: So you’re saying I should opt out?

M.E. Ball: Without a doubt

 

Ellis: I’ll definitely get a better offer, right?

M.E. Ball: Yes

 

Ellis: What if the market for inefficient shooting guards with histories of moped vigilantism isn’t as bullish as we think?

M.E. Ball: Yes definitely

 

Ellis: If I turn down the Bucks now, they won’t give that money to someone else like Brandon Jennings, will they?

M.E. Ball: My sources say no

 

Ellis: I’m definitely better looking than Jennings, right?

M.E. Ball: Better not tell you now.

 

July 3rd, 2013

Ellis: Five ESPN experts just weighed in on my contract prospects. Not one said I was worth more than $6 million per year. What the $%&# is going on?

M.E. Ball: Outlook good

 

Ellis: I don’t know man. That’s less than half of what I just turned down. What if that’s all that’s out there?

M.E. Ball: Cannot predict now

 

Ellis: What do you mean?

M.E. Ball: As I see it yes

 

Ellis: As you see what? You’re not making sense. I’m freaking out!

M.E. Ball: Ask again later

 

Ellis: No I’m asking you now. Tell me what to do.

M.E. Ball: Ask again later

 

Ellis: Come on man! Where is the money you promised me?

M.E. Ball: Very doubtful

 

Ellis: Damn you!

Author’s Note: At this point, Ellis picked his agent up and threw him across the room. M.E. Ball burst spilling inky black water all over the walls. The die inside rolled across the floor.

M.E. Ball: Ask again later

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