The Day King Joffrey Divided the Playoffs Into Conferences

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Many believe the playoffs were divided into two conference by NBA league officials but that is a lie. The truth is King Joffrey implemented conferences long ago to display his great power to all the land. Below is a first hand account of what happened that day.

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King Joffrey sits upon his throne.  In front of him are two drunken men of the choir singing a traditional tune from Highgarden called “The Prelude to a Playoff.”  The lyrics are the reason for their arrest. Now they must sing in front of their kings. 

Marillion

The Playoffs ring sweet.
The Playoffs ring true
Not even our king
can take them from you.
 
For playoffs have power
And kings have a crown.
May playoffs live forever.
While kings rot in the ground. 
 
[Silence in the room as everyone stares at King Joffrey]
 
[King Joffrey begins to laugh to himself. The rest of the room remains silent.]
 

Joffrey: A clever song for such clever men.

Singer 1: We didn’t mean it, your grace.

Joffrey: How come? Don’t you want to be known as clever men?

Singer 2: No you’re grace.

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Joffrey: Clever men love their playoffs, don’t they? The best competition displayed for all the world to see. Clever man in the purple hat. What is your favorite team?

Singer 1: The Ph… Ph… Pheonix Suns, your grace.

Joffrey: The Phoenix Suns. What a fun team. Nobody expected much of them, but they’ve done a fine job exceeding expectations, didn’t they?

[King Joffrey places his sword beneath the singer’s chin.]

Joffrey: DIDN’T THEY?!

Singer 1: Yes, your grace!  Yes…

Joffrey: That’s what I thought. BRING ME THE MONKEY!

Singer 1: What…?  No! Please!

Joffrey: Pathetic. As I recall, clever men don’t beg.

Singer 1: I’m sorry, your grace. I am not a clever man.

Joffrey: What a fine creature. He’ll go perfectly with the chicken we have prepared for the feast tonight.

Singer 1: NO!

[Joffrey stabs the Suns gorilla]

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[The singer cries as the other singer consoles him]

Singer 2: There there. We still have our wonderful playoffs.

Joffrey: Oh do you?

Singer 2: Yes… your grace.  Surely, you wouldn’t take away our playoffs.

Joffrey: Of coarse not. That would be cruel and as you know, I am a merciful king.

Singer 2: Yes, your grace.

Joffrey: And I’d never do anything to hurt the Atlanta Hawks and their bid for the playoffs.

Singer 2: But your grace. The Hawks are bad.  They are not one of the best 16 teams in the league. They won’t be in the playoffs.

Joffrey: Oh I think they will.

Singer 2: Your grace?

Joffrey: FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THE NBA PLAYOFF STRUCTURE SHALL BE DIVIDED INTO TWO CONFERENCES. ONE OF THE EAST AND ONE OF THE WEST!

Singer 2: NOOOO!!!!!!

Joffrey: Ahahaha.

Singer 2: Please, your grace.

Joffrey: The Hawks, the Raptors, the Nets, the Wizards, the Bobcats, the Bulls…. all the in the playoffs while precious teams of the west go home to die. Let us rejoice!

Singer 2: You can’t!

[Silence]

Joffrey: What did you say to me?

Singer 2: You can’t, your grace. Please.

Joffrey: I should have you killed for this!

[Raises sword.]

Margaery: You grace! I have a better idea.

Joffrey: Better than this man’s head displayed above center court for Grizzlies /Suns tonight?!

Margaery: Yes, my king. Why not make this man an official beat writer for the Raptors/Wizards series? He’ll suffer more and others will learn the level of your mercy. No one will ever speak to you that way again.

Joffrey: That’s perfect!

Singer 2: No, your grace. Please, take my head! Don’t make me watch a seven game Wizards/Raptors series.

Joffrey: Enough! Take him away!

Singer 2: NO!!!!

Joffrey: The next person who says anything to me regarding the playoffs will be responsible for an ALL ATLANTIC DIVISION PLAYOFF TO WIN THE TITLE!

[Crowd Gasps]

Joffrey: Now bring me more wine so I can watch my Hawks.

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