Kevin Durant’s Gorgeous Miss

Durant

You are safe, Andray. For now.

Oh all of my goodnesses would that have been monstrous, ESPY Play of the Year, set fire to old couches in the streets because nothing makes sense anymore type of stuff had that gone in. I mean, Blatche needs to be in church tomorrow saying his thanks a bunches and tossing up a Hail Mary or two Hov’s way for saving him from being on NBA TV for the next eighty years. As it is, though, it’s just another of the many dope, missed dunk attempts we see every year. Durant’s arms look about fifty feet long on that miss, though. Like a miniature version of Jordan in Space Jam.

I say this with sincerity:  What a cool miss. I think I speak for basketball fans and lovers of effortless scoring everywhere when I say that if you harm a hair on Kevin Durant’s head, Andray, I will come to your home and politely cry like Garth from Anchorman at your doorstep until you open the door and I ask you why you would do such an awful, miserable thing. Durant wouldn’t hurt a soul. He’d hurt their eyes with Thunderstruck, sure, but he wouldn’t hurt their soul.

I miss the days where Blatche could be counted on to slack and be overweight and overpaid. What’s with these double-dooskies you’re putting up now, Dray? I hope he quotes Forgot About Dre to all of his teammates all of the time. I think I speak for no Wizards fans anywhere when I say, good for you. And good for some dude’s fantasy team somewhere who picked you ironically and is now reaping serious rewards, acting like he knew you were due for a good year even though he had no idea at all you’d be worth anything on the court. It’s nice to see a guy with some upside put forth some effort and see results, though, I suppose. America loves a comeback.

Course, Andray may take a page out of Jay Z’s playbook and tell us to not call it a comeback. He’s been here for years.

1 Comment

  • […] Tyler Parker of Baller Ball on KD’s near poster from God: “I say this with sincerity: What a cool miss. I think I speak for basketball fans and lovers of effortless scoring everywhere when I say that if you harm a hair on Kevin Durant’s head, Andray, I will come to your home and politely cry like Garth from Anchorman at your doorstep until you open the door and I ask you why you would do such an awful, miserable thing. Durant wouldn’t hurt a soul. He’d hurt their eyes with Thunderstruck, sure, but he wouldn’t hurt their soul.” […]

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