*The following is an email we obtained from Kendrick Perkins._____________________________________________________________ From: Perkin4TheManEveryNightAndDay@aol.com To: Thunder_Roster@gmail.com Subject: Russel’s Welcome Back Party _____________________________________________________________
Alright, I’ve been sendin’ out mass emails and texts for the past three days about this and haven’t heard a thing. Keep ignoring me and I’m gonna request to star in the next Thunderstruck movie.
BET I WON’T.
Ok. Coach designated me to organize Russ’ welcome back party, due to the success of my Duck Dynasty Season Premier Gathering. That party was ligit and all ya’ll know it so don’t even play like it wasn’t. A couple things… Russ wants to eat at Toby Keith’s “I Love this Bar and Grill.” I know some of ya’ll hate that place but do me a favor and go tell a pole. Ain’t about you.
We also need a theme. I had the idea of a “shovel party.” We all just bring shovels and hold them and stuff. Or you could dress like a shovel. Whatever you feel like. Let me know if ya’ll have any better ideas. I doubt you will but let me know.
Next, whoever keeps telling Fish about our get-togethers needs to chill out on that. He sent me a facebook message sayin’ he was comin’. Also, who told Fish I got a facebook? Seems like the type of person who would catfish or whatever. Anyways, his message was hella creepy. It said…“Hey Kendrick!!! I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be at the party…. in 0.4 seconds 😉 -Fish
Yo. If any of ya’ll are thinkin’ about sending me winky faces, go ahead and don’t. Seriously, if I ever get a winky-face from any of you dummies, I’m gonna start twerkin’ on defense.
BET I WON’T
Also, I went ahead and bought a card. The only people that have signed it are Nick Collison and myself.
If I was ya’ll, I’d go ahead and make signin’ this card a top priority. Especially if life is somethin’ that you enjoy and stuff.
Ya’ll keep in mind that we shouldn’t bring up K-Mart’s stupid-ass comments about KD. Ain’t even playin’ about that. We shouldn’t be tryin’ to bring the drama. But while I got you all here, I’m gonna address this tweet about me lookin’ for a change. I wanna reassure everyone here that I was strictly talkin’ about our political system. It’s messed up as hell and that’s the truth. Still don’t believe me? Go tell a cookie.
Anyways, I’m thinkin’ maybe we should go bowlin’ after or something. I rented a limo for nine hours so we need that driver to take us places, and bowlin’ sounds good to me. FYI – ya’ll owe me $88 a piece for that limo. If I don’t see that money in my hands by the next game, I’m gonna start averaging three YOLO shots per game.
BET I WON’T.
Lastly, I don’t really care how we do it but we gotta surprise Russ somehow. I was thinkin’ maybe we could sneak into his room while he’s sleepin’ in bed, and I shoot off my shotgun in the air. Thabo called that idea “the worst thing he’s ever heard.” So ya’ll go ahead and send your condolences to Thabo’s family cuz I ain’t about to let that go.
Ok. That’s it.