Kendrick Perkins Plans Kevin Durant’s Bachelor Party

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*The following is an email we obtained from Kendrick Perkins.

 

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From: KPerkDoesWerk@hotmail.com
To: Thunder_Roster@gmail.com
Subject: KD’S BACH PARTY
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Ya’ll,


Look, everyone needs to answer me back this time, for real.  This is the 3rd email I sent and if I have to send another one, I’m gonna start shooting more 3’s this season.

BET I WON’T.

Alright, now as the official organizer for KD’s bach party I got a couple of things to address.  First off, Russ went ahead and got us reservations at Abuelo’s.  Ya’ll don’t like it, take it up with a tree.

Next, ya’ll don’t tell D-Fish about this.   We all know when he starts drinkin’ that dude gets crazy.  He’s always makin’ bets that he can do things in .4 seconds, which is stupid as hell.  Once, when we were drinkin’ (responsibly, yo) this dude bet me 5K that he could down a beer, then strip to his boxers and jump in the pool, then swim across, then get out of the pool and run to McDonalds and back… in .4 seconds.  I hella cashed out, but that ish is ridiculous.  So keep it shut around Fish.

Also, I went ahead and bought a card or whatever.  The only people that have signed it are Nick Collison and myself.

 
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Ya’ll better get on that now, or I’m gonna start running the point this season.

BET I WON’T.

Also, Bron is gonna be there and we all know how I feel about that *#&@^.  I don’t like him but KD does and this is about him.  So, for real, he’ll need to be kept at least 10 feet away from me at all times.  If he gets closer, it’ll be on ya’ll for what happens.  That’s all I’m sayin’.

And no “I’m tired of being second” jokes.  Alright, with his wedding and stuff, the joke will present itself several times due to the sacrificial nature of marriage, but come on guys… let’s leave that low-hangin’ fruit alone.  We’re better than that.

I went ahead and covered the cost of the Karaoke machine for the hotel room.  Included in the song packages are “Country Hits”, “Top 50 Pop Sensations”, “Rockin’ Oldies” and “Don’t Tell Mommy.”  Dunno what the hell that last one is, but ya’ll need to pay up for that thing.  Cost me $600 for the night so everyone owes $32.11 a piece.  If I don’t get it, I’ll enter the All Star Skills Challenge this season.

BET I WON’T.

Lastly, we need to think of a prank.  I suggested running a car into his living room but Thabo said that was stupid.  (Go ahead and say ya’lls goodbyes to Thabo, BTW).  Anyways, other prank ideas are welcomed.

Alright that’s all I got.


Shut up,

-Perk

 

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*Not real, at all

2 Comments

  • […] At Ballerball, Perk plans KD’s bachelor party: “Alright, now as the official organizer for KD’s bach party I got a couple of things to address. First off, Russ went ahead and got us reservations at Abuelo’s. Ya’ll don’t like it, take it up with a tree. Next, ya’ll don’t tell D-Fish about this. We all know when he starts drinkin’ that dude gets crazy. He’s always makin’ bets that he can do things in .4 seconds, which is stupid as hell. Once, when we were drinkin’ (responsibly, yo) this dude bet me 5K that he could down a beer, then strip to his boxers and jump in the pool, then swim across, then get out of the pool and run to McDonalds and back… in .4 seconds. I hella cashed out, but that ish is ridiculous. So keep it shut around Fish.” […]

  • […] ITS GOING TO BE THE MAN WHO CAN’T SCORE, KENDRICK PERKINS! Over at BallerBall, it seems that Jason Gallagher may or may not have obtained a copy of an email from Big Perk on his plans for the bachelor party […]

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