San Antonio —
I am looking forward to this series namely because I know that I’ll just be able to enjoy it. There will be no burn coming my way and that is just as well. I am not very good compared to other professional NBA players. But that’s okay. I yank in a pretty cool $490,000 and that goes a pretty long way in San Antonio. Excited to eat some delish Mexican food. And here’s the fun thing, I can eat as much as I want. I’m not playing, I’m partying.
You already know I’m going to go hard, AS I HAVE BEEN ALL YEAR, when we get back to South Beach, but for now I will make sure that they remember me in San Antonio more vividly than they remember the Alamo. I will turn the Riverwalk on its head. It will be an Oceanwalk when I’m through with it.
I plan on doing my best to get in their players’ heads throughout the series. I find that I have a quick wit and a sharp tongue when I focus and dedicate myself to being a troll. My personal goal for the first game will be to see if I can get Kawhi, or however you spell it, to blink. That is like a Popovich smile. It exists, but you know, not a lot.
I will also go hard at Aaron Baynes because he is clearly the Spurs version of me ONLY THEIR COACHES TRUST THEIR BENCH MORE. I will assault him verbally and in warmups before the game I will try to work my way down to their end of the floor to see if he can really handle all of this, all 7 feet 255 lb’s of Louisiana State University pride. Tigers roar, no? Uh, yea. I think so.
I am amped to share in this experience with you, Diary. Truth will be found and joy and pain will be documented. The highs will be high and there will be no low lows because I get paid regardless. If I win a ring people will just act like I didn’t have anything to do with it so I am truly all about the fun times these next couple weeks.