Joakim Noah: Sartorial Sir

noah 2

noah 2

The NBA is really trying to become synonymous with high fashion lately. Nick Young is doing them no favors. Or maybe he’s doing them all of the favors. I can’t decide.




I’m eating Giordano’s and watching The Bachelor and Tierra is sucking the life out of all of the souls in all of the world, smearing poop in the eyes of the viewing public that wants goodness and decency to win out over general awfulness and Sean and his blonde hair is just being an idiot and not seeing how much of a rock in the shoe she is. He doesn’t know how he feels about Des anymore and she used to be one of his main hangs, or however Girls talks. Everything is falling apart. Then I see this.




Then I get happy for a minute because it’s a dude wearing what he wants. It’s simple. He’s not beating you over the head with it like Wade and LeBron do, their mini Louis Vuitton toothbrush and deodorant cases in tow. He doesn’t do it to shock and make you all wow like Westbrook does. I mean, Rajan Rondo interned at GQ, and we’ve seen some of the stuff he wears. Noah’s trying, yea, but not too much.


Still, the league didn’t like it. They felt the sweater was a little too distracting for him to be wearing on the bench so they called up the Bulls and requested he change. The Iron Fist ‘O Stern watches and hates fun. At this point in his career, Stern rules like Lena Dunham writes: with a whole bunch of misguided self- importance. Let the guy wear what he wants. He’s hurting nobody.


You look at what dudes like Wade and James wear long enough you’ll start to realize the plastic of it all. How silly and styled up they really are. They’ve done GQ covers and special in-magazine questionnaires on what pieces of clothing in their closet they like the most. I mean, LeBron’s been photographed by The Sartorialist.  They’re both about it. Whatever. Everyone in the league, it seems, is starting to all dress alike. In an effort to set their selves apart, they’ve become the same.  Slim ties and trim suits and if you’re super ballsy you break out a turtleneck or something like you’re going fishing with Clooney and a big storms about to hit. Dope necklace and point, Mustache.


That’s what was refreshing about Noah’s gear to me. There wasn’t all this effort. He’s just maxing all cool. He’s got a slightly louder than normal sweater on with a blazer and some skinny jeans. That’s it. What’s the deal? Again, have you seen what some dudes wear to games? Can’t be a bigger distraction than that. And yes that’s the second time I’ve linked to that Nick Young picture from last year’s playoffs because holy everything we can never forget.


The sweater’s kind of clean is the thing, League Office. Chill out and worry about keeping the Kings in Sacramento and making sure every time a team passes out free T-shirts for everyone to wear that they’re the T-shirts with James Goldstein on them. You know, important things.


According to ESPN Chicago’s Nick Friedell, at the behest of the league, Noah left the bench to change. He returned wearing a striped polo shirt, beaten down by The Man once again. The real creative lovelies of the world trampled on and subjected to mediocrity and unoriginality because the powers that be couldn’t let wings spread a little.

Be first to comment