Is It Time For a Contender To Call Up Cthulu Hemingway?

Cthulu hemingway

The season, nearly half over, is just beginning to heat up; like a man eating something while it’s still in the oven. And with 6 contenders in the West within 4 games of first place and like basically every team in the East within a few games of being lazily discussed, as if adequate, there are a lot of teams out there looking for that additional edge.

And so, the season of D-league call ups is upon us.

Now that spectating the D-league is something of a cottage industry, I imagine the name Cthulu Hemingway is as familiar to many of you as Joe Alexander, or Brady Heslip. Hemingway, like a lot of these guys, is an extraordinary risk-reward proposition, with well-defined strengths and weaknesses. Let’s go through them, shall we?


  1. Strong locker room presence. Speaks rarely, but powerfully.
  2. Very manly
  3. One of the Great Old Ones
  4. A being of great power, and dark majesty
  5. Good three-point shooter


  1. Poor court awareness
  2. Horrible, squid-like creature
  3. Easily distracted by newspaper deadlines, war with Elder Things, rivalry with         Hastur the Unspeakable
  4. Ball-stopper
  5. Name hard to pronounce

At any rate, it’s clear that whatever team calls up Hemingway will have its hands full turning him into a player and making him see basketball as a phenomenon more ephemeral than the smallest second of galactic time… 


…but we wish him and the team which takes him on good luck.

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