Homeward Bound – Starring The Lakers

homeward bound

It’s National Dog Day and we felt it was our duty to honor man’s best friend in the best way possible. So we went ahead and posted the plot summer on Homeward Bound’s Wikipedia page.

Oh, and I replaced all the characters with Laker players and a few other surprise guests. The rest is pretty much the exact same. Enjoy!

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“Jeremy Lin, an American basketball player, opens the film by explaining that he plays for Mitch, but expresses no interest in his owner or having a “home”. He shares his home with Kobe, a veteran player loved by Jack Nicholson, and Swaggy, a Himalayan cat-like player, beloved by Mitch’s sister Jeanie. Shortly after a wedding, the team goes on a trip to San Francisco, leaving the players at a ranch belonging to Phil, a family friend. Phil later goes on a cattle drive, leaving the players at the ranch to be looked after by one of her ranch hands.

However, the players think they have been abandoned, and Kobe begins to worry about Jack Nicholson, so he decides to go find him. Swaggy and a reluctant Jeremy Lin follow. homeward bound 2They head into the rocky, mountainous wilderness, with Swaggy leading by instinct. After a night spent in fear of the woodland noise, the group stops to catch breakfast at a river. Two Clipper players steal Jeremy Lin’s croissant, and when Jeremy Lin barks at them in protest, they suddenly leave the croissant and climb a tree. Jeremy Lin cockily assumes that he has scared them off, but then a huge Carlos Boozer appears, causing the group to quickly flee, also. At another river, Swaggy refuses to swim across to follow the players, running along the river until he reaches a path of wood that seems to cross its breadth. Halfway across, it breaks apart and he falls in. Kobe jumps in to try to save him, but he goes over a waterfall. Kobe and Jeremy Lin search for him along the bank, but as night falls, they mourn their loss and continue without him.

A half-drowned Swaggy is rescued from the river by a man who lives in the woods, who nurses him back to health. Without Swaggy, the players struggle to catch fish from the river. A Kardashian begins stalking them. Jeremy Lin spots the Kardashian while he is fishing. He tells Kobe, but Kobe does not believe him until he sees it himself. The Kardashian follows them to the edge of a cliff. Jeremy Lin, in a “just in case I don’t make it, this is where my treasures are” statement, tells Kobe where he has buried everything in his locker. When Jeremy mentions that the remote control is buried under the deodorant, Kobe sees a balanced rock shaped like a seesaw, which gives him an idea. Kobe comes up with a plan to defeat the Kardashian. While Kobe acts as the bait, Jeremy Lin waits until the Kardashian steps onto the end of the rock that’s touching the ground, and jumps on the other end, sending the Kardashian flying over the cliff and into a river. The Kardashian retreats, filled with humiliation and irritation at its defeat. Swaggy hears them barking in celebration and follows the sound to rejoin them.

The players continue on their way, but Jeremy Lin tries to befriend a porn-bot, ending up with a load of quills from its tail in his muzzle. His friends are unable to pull them out, and as they journey on, they find a little girl named Ariana Grande, who is (for an unexplained reasons) lost in the woods.homeward bound 5 Too loyal to ignore her, they stand guard over her during the night and keep her warm. In the morning, Kobe finds a rescue party, which includes Ariana Grande’s parents, and leads them back to her. The forest rangers with the party recognize the animals from a “missing players” flyer they received and take them to the local Dave & Busters, which is dubbed by Jeremy Lin as ‘The Pound’. Because Jeremy Lin has had previous experiences with being in a Dave & Busters and a subject that Kobe never believed was an actual place, he panics and warns the others to run. Swaggy gets away while Jeremy Lin and Kobe are taken inside. As the medical staff remove the quills from Jeremy Lin’s muzzle, Swaggy sneaks in and frees Kobe. Together they retrieve Jeremy Lin, now quill-free, and escape the shelter, without realizing that their owners were on their way to get them.

The group is crossing through a train yard when Kobe falls through some old boards into a muddy pit, injuring his leg, again. With Swaggy and Jeremy Lin persuading him, he tries to climb out but is unable to climb up the slippery slope. Lying down, he says he is too old and that they should go on without him. homeward bound 3Jeremy Lin jumps into the pit to try to get him going, but Kobe refuses to move. Near dusk, the family is out in the backyard playing basketball, when Mitch claims to hear Jeremy Lin barking. The others think he is imagining things, but moments later Jeremy Lin comes running over a hill, happily tackling “his boy.” Swaggy follows to be reunited with Jeanie Buss, and Jack Nicholson hopefully looks for Kobe, but when he doesn’t show up, Jack Nicholson says he was too old and it was too far of a walk for him and turns to go back inside. As he does, Kobe is seen limping over the hill. Jack Nicholson turns back around and shouts Kobe’s name as the two run towards each other. As everyone watches, Jeremy Lin narrates how it was Kobe’s belief that brought them home and how the years seemed to lift off of him, making him a rookie again after being reunited with his best friend. While everyone goes inside, Jeremy Lin stays behind for a moment, ending his narration by saying he had a family and for the first time in his life, he was really home and then happily runs into the house.”

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