Grampa Talks Playoffs

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 April 28, 2014  – You call this a first round?  Peh. Let me tell you something. Back in my day the first round of the playoffs weren’t “fun” or “exciting”.  No, we had to sit there quiet and watch games where neither team scored more than 60 points, and if we didn’t like it, we were in for a paddlin’.  You wanted to dig your own eyes out with the heel of your work boot but you watched anyway. And the difference in scores were never less than 20 points.  There were no “overtimes.”  Nah. If a game ended in a tie, you’d shake the other man’s hand, exchange spouses and move on with it.

In my day, old men were were old men and young men were on the bench.  These playoffs are teaching you all wrong.  There’s no structure anymore. If you were older than 35, you immediately started coaching in a Canadian league.  That’s the way it was. If you were a sophomore then you’d be all over that bench like a woman on a wallet.  There were no “Damian Lillards” runnin’ around my leage back then.  Nah. Only men in their primes. Ages 26 through 28 was it.  Other than that, you might as well have been dead for all we cared. 

Makes me sick to stomach to see the first round of the playoffs be enjoyed this much.  There were no +30 point games by any “LaMarcus Aldridges” back in my day.  Things were more dignified .  If a player EVER scored more than 10 points, they’d respectfully check out of that game and immediately enlist in the army.  You’re basketball career was over after that.  Not much else to accomplish.

Game winning shots weren’t celebrated back then either.  If Vince Carter made that shot when I was a boy, they woulda had him stand their while everyone lined up to punch him dead in the mouth for being fancy.  And we sure as hell didn’t make GIF files of everything under the dad gum sun.  Nah. If you really wanted replay, you had to train the horses out back to reenact the damn thing for ya.  That’s how you knew you wanted it bad enough.

That’s all I got to say.  You kids are spoiled rotten by this first round.  Makes me sick.

And we all knew Donald Sterling was a racist back then too. Dunno what took ya’ll so long.

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