Fisher’s Eleven – All Star: Part 1

Fisher's Eleven 2

Fisher's Eleven

 

To:  Mrs. Anucha Browne Sanders
VP of Original Programming, NBATV

RE: Movie pitch for NBATV

As the head of Original Programming for the network, I know how busy you must be. Whether you’re furiously editing footage from The Association to make Deron Williams human or dealing with Ahmad Rashad, the Tracy Jordan of sports media personalities, I’m sure yours is a thankless and taxing job. I do not wish to waste any of your time, so I’ll jump right to the point.

I have an idea for NBATV’s first original movie. It’s a remake of Ocean’s Eleven starring current and former NBA players and set in the world of today’s NBA. Below is a short overview of the film as I see it as well as some casting recommendations.

Title: Fisher’s Eleven

Premise: Former NBA guard Derek Fisher comes out of retirement to lead a ragtag group of current and former players in the ultimate heist.

The Target: Billy Hunter

The Score: $20 million dollars that Hunter siphoned out of the NBAPA’s pension fund during his tenure as head of the Players’ Association.

Location: All-Star Weekend in Houston

The Cast

Danny Ocean – Derek Fisher

Danny Ocean Fisher
Rationale: His rough history with Billy Hunter gives him all the motivation in the world. He’s a natural leader.

Rusty Ryan – Chandler Parsons

Brad Pitt Parsons

Rationale: He’s one of the most handsome men in the NBA. Plus, J.J. Redick went to Duke where all charisma is removed at graduation.

Linus Caldwell – Kyrie Irving

Kyrie Matt Damon
Rationale: He’s the coolest young player in the league, and he’s already a master of disguise.

Frank Catton – Rasheed Wallace

Bernie Mac Rashee
Rationale: ‘Sheed has the crazy eyes, the intimidating size, and just the right mix of brilliance and mania.

Virgil and Turk Malloy - Ben and Tyler Hansbrough

Afleck cann hansbrough
Rationale: Is an explanation really needed?

Basher Tarr – Andrei Kirilenko

Cheadle Karilenko
Rationale: Obviously we’re going away from the Don Cheadle-type here, but Kirilenko is a foreign jack-of-all trades who knows his way around guns and explosives. That’s the role in a nutshell.

Saul Bloom – Magic Johnson

Reiner Johnson
Rationale: This role must be played by someone who can be anyone or anything on cue. On a daily basis, Magic Johnson switches between former NBA player, Bill Simmons-heckler, and Los Angeles Dodgers’ owner with ease. This film should be a walk in the park for him.

Reuben Tishkoff – David Stern

Elliot Stern
Rationale: After decades of service to the NBA, I can think of no better way for Commissioner Stern to go out than a semi-dramatic role in a made-for-TV movie about stealing from Billy Hunter.

Livingston Dell – Gordon Hayward 

Hayward Oceans
Rationale: Hayward looks more like a Best Buy employee than any other player in the NBA.

Yen - JJ Barea

yen barea
Rationale: He’s tiny. Every heist needs a tiny guy. Plus, this raises the likelihood that his Miss Universe girlfriend will attend the premiere.

Terry Benedict – Billy Hunter

garcia hunter
Rationale: He’s the perfect villain.


Now I know this proposal seems too good to be true, like a Nigerian prince with a PayPal account, but I assure you I’m very serious about partnering with NBATV on this project. Please consider my offer and get back to me soon.

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Sincerely,
Ryan Weisert

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P.S. P.J. Carlesimo’s beard really pops in HD.

__________

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