I’m cool with being traded. Thought I’d open with that. People usually close with the final point, but I’m opening with it because I can’t take it anymore. I know I didn’t get dealt last night, but all this buzzing is irritating.
Why I gotta be the piece? Why’s it gotta be me you’re trying to move to get Dwight or Paul George or Pierce or KG or any of the other dudes I’ve been rumored to be getting moved for?
These are the questions that you ask yourself late at night while you stare at your ceiling and the Jodeci you’re listening to can’t put you to sleep. You get beaten down by the rumors. They slam down on you like waves till you can’t see anymore. All you want to do is go away and hide and wonder why you don’t like me and blah and blah and whiny blah…
Then you turn on IFC and you watch Little Miss Sunshine and you just don’t care any more.
I’m me and I’m beautiful like waterfalls on a putt-putt course at night under multi-colored lights while TLC’s “Waterfalls” plays.
That little chick, after Alan Arkin helped her gain confidence, really swagged out on that stage in front of all those toddlers in their tiaras. The child beauty pageant world is clearly not one to trifle with if you possess any kind of sanity whatsoever, and that family in that lovely scene at the end of the film is just dope, man. There’s that dude that dated Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail for a minute. You got Michael Scott in the mix. Then there’s that weird, intense kid from that movie where Bill the Butcher is trying to get people’s oil so he can free the slaves and finally make another classic, Italian movie about Penelope Cruz dancing in lingerie while climbing all over a ribbon. They all start dancing together and it is truly inspiring. They’re celebrating the lovely ways in which they are different, in which they are unique.
Well, you know what? Your boy’s unique, too. Unique as a blue unicorn. I’m going to be special. Matter of fact, I already am. Check out my per 36 averages. I can guard anyone, I make plays, and I’m selfless. So, if you want to get rid of me, dig your grave and do it. I’ll make you pay.
I Drink Your Milkshake,