Delusional Pacers Fan is Ecstatic About “His” Team’s Offseason


Pacers fan and Indianapolis resident Colin Stepnansky can’t believe how well his team is doing during free agency.

“We got Lance back,” Colin said. “The Core 4 or 5 or however many it takes to be awesome is back!!!”

When told by a reporter that it was actually the Charlotte Hornets and not the Indiana Pacers that got Lance, and that the Pacers actually signed Rodney Stuckey, whose name doesn’t lend promise to fixing the team’s offense.

“What are you trying to say? I’ve been a Parnets fan my whole life!”

While it was agreed that both of the team nicknames have two syllables, Colin didn’t take kindly to the news that those were still two separate teams.

“Everyone doubts us. No one believes in the power of a legend like MJ running the show. Don’t people remember the great moments? The championships?”

It was pointed out by the reporter that Larry Bird actually runs the Pacers and that MJ runs the Hornets, and that the Hornets have actually made some great moves recently, including signing Lance Stephenson and Marvin Williams this offseason to reasonable contracts, and Al Jefferson last season.

Colin demurred on these points.

“No one can take away my memories of playing Jordan vs. Bird,” he said. “No matter how hard you try.”

When asked about other Pacers offseason signings, Colin seemed especially ecstatic.

“The King is home! The King is in the house! Can you believe it???” Colin said.

What do you mean Colin?

“LeBron came back home to Indiana, which is right next to Ohio. It’s tremendous!” Colin said.

When informed that in fact the Pacers did not sign LeBron James, but in fact added C.J. Miles, Colin was undeterred in his enthusiasm.

“We’ll be fine then. We just signed an awesome former small forward that used to play for the Cavaliers,” Colin said.

After the reporter shook his head in disbelief, Colin continued.

“It’s an amazing story, really, how this all came together. It brought a tear to my eyes,” Colin said wiping away what may have just been lint. “We now have two players named C.J. Incredible!”

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