Dear Cholesterol

Shaq Dear Cholestoral 4

From the moment
I started rolling my own dough
And shooting imaginary
Pigs in a blanket
At the Great Western Sizzler
I knew one thing was real:

I fell in love with you.

A love so deep I gave you my all —
From my mouth & stomach
To my tongue & alimentary canal.

As a six-year-old boy
Deeply in love with sandwiches
I never saw the end of the meatball sub
I only saw myself
Running out of meatballs

And so I ran.
I ran up and down every mall food court
After every loose sample of sesame chicken
You asked for my hustle
I gave you my lipoproteins
Because it came with so much more… a fortune cookie.

I ate through the sweat and hurt
Not because Arby’s called me
But because the Arby’s “Beef N’ Cheddar” called me.
I did everything for Arby’s
Because that’s what you do
When some thing makes you feel as
Full as Arby’s made me feel.

You gave a six-year-old boy his stuffed crust dream
And I’ll always love you for it.
But I can’t love you obsessively for much longer.
This holiday season is all I have left to give.
My heart can take the pounding (but barely)
My mind can handle the grind
But my body knows it’s time to say goodbye.

And that’s OK.
I’m ready to let chili cheese nachos go.
I want you to know now
So we both can savor every moment of onions we have left together.
The good and the bad smells.
We have given each other
All that we have.

And we both know, no matter what I do next
I’ll always be that Buffalo Wild Wings Blazin’ Wings Challenge Champion
With the rolled up dough
The stall in the corner
:05 seconds on the expiration date
Big Red Soda in my hands.
5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1… vomit.

Love you always,
Shaq

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