DeAndre Jordan Killed Brandon Knight

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This is Hendrix burning the guitar.

Everyone on the basketball internet earth is going to write about this. It will be all over SportsCenter and any other highlight driven anything for the next week. Nothing I say here will be super revelatory or different from anything else you read, hear, or see. You’ll be perfectly fine watching the clip and then exiting out of the site to go back to looking at Facebook pics of your friends and their super terrific weekend they had with their solo cups and sunglasses and lacy dresses and button up shirts. There’s more words after this italicized paragraph but don’t worry about them. Seriously, the world effectively ended last night with the catch and completion of that LOB by DeAndre so go be with the ones you love and talk about how sad it would be to be Brandon Knight today. The only people reading the rest of this are my mom, my high school assistant coach, and maybe Chris Pearson because he reads everything on this site. They’re great people so theoretically you’d be in great company, but come on. This is death and birth all at once. Take time to process what you saw. Don’t contaminate your perfect mind with my imperfect words. I’ll probably do something stupid like open with a slightly altered Ryan Adams lyric. Don’t subject yourself to that.

 

Where do you go when you’re lonely, Brandon Knight? Because you are the loneliest man on earth right now.

This is the dunk of the year. It just is. I know there’s still many games to be played and that LeBron exists and he’s capable of bringing the walls down, but nothing is beating this. Nothing.

DeAndre’s picking specs of dust off the rim if he so desires. LOOK at how high he is. LOOK. And it’s been mentioned throughout the Basketball Twitterverse already, but it needs to be mentioned again…

DeAndre Jordan is left handed.

That’s right. He did that ghastly, vile filth with his off hand. You ask me to scratch with my off hand and I have a hard time. He’s doing that in mid air.

The reactions are perfect. Chris Paul looks borderline worried about Brandon Knight’s health. Caron Butler has to put his hand on his head so it doesn’t explode. The bench just spasms. It’s all great.

Poor Brandon, though. He lost this car crash and now his car is on its roof, belly up in a rainy ditch somewhere while  raccoons and armadillos take dumps and make little raccadillo babies that start to bite everything and rabies up the world. He hits the floor and gets slammed so hard he bounces off it. Cry, cry, cry.

Blake Griffin should give DeAndre some of those free $5 foot longs that we all know you get, Blake. You’re not fooling anyone. For real, though. This dunk was so good, I feel like I should mail DeAndre $5 just because I got to watch it.

Thank you, DeAndre. Enjoy your time in the sun, because pretty soon the playoffs will start and people will start to talk about your inability to hit free throws and your team’s inability to protect the rim. None of that right now. Right now it’s pandemonium. Right now it’s love.

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