Darren and Nick Collison Still Want the ‘Perfect Ending’


In the press conference following his impressive Game 4 performance against the Oklahoma City Thunder, Los Angeles Clipper Darren Collison was a little bit remorseful about the way things ended.

“We didn’t get the shot, the real climactic shot,” Darren Collison said.

When pressed for an explanation, Darren only gave a wry smile.
“We’re still working on it, though,” he said.

Turns out, according to inside sources, that on a recent off-day in Los Angeles, Darren Collison surreptitiously met up with none other than…Nick Collison, the 6-9 forward that plays for the Thunder.

It was quiet outside the production office in Burbank, but inside was full of chatter.

A special assistant to the assistant to a custodian, who happened to be vacuuming in the building at the time, heard the details of the important meeting. There are “big and small” plans. Big and Small. Just like Nick and Darren.

“They’re remaking Twins, you know the beloved Danny DeVito/ Arnold Schwarznegger hit concept?” the special assistant said.

The plan came together after both Darren and Nick were watching the Chris/Cliff Paul commercials and happened to call one another up!

“Pure kismet,” Darren said. “Just the way things are coming together.”

The special assistant to the assistant to the custodian will have to move over just a smidge…or quite a lot! Because there’s another Big Mouth helping out with the picture…Kazaam–it’s Shaq-Fu.

Yes, the recent mix-up by the Superman wasn’t a misquote at all–it was a clever viral ploy for his involvement.

“Shaq, he’s no dummy,” Nick Collison said when asked about his involvement. “But that’s all I can say.”

Back to the game. According to the special assistant to the assistant to a custodian, the plan was to the end the game with Darren Collison dunking over Nick Collison in a “brother basketball battle fraught with apocalyptic complications.”

But according to everyone involved, Scott Brooks didn’t want to play that way.

“He wants a cut on the movie,” the special assistant to the assistant to a custodian said.

“We’re still working on all the details,” Nick said. “We want to make a movie that people will say is the ‘feel-good movie of the year.'” That’s our goal, to make people feel good. Because look, we’re twins! But we’re not!”

For now, the Collisons…and all of America!…can only dream.

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