Coach Frank Report: Volume 2

coach frank


Coach Kidd,

Below is my daily report with observations on last week’s games and practice tape, and scouting reports for the next seven days.

The most recent loss to Toronto aside, obviously the team is executing at a much higher rate recently. This was particularly evident in the win over Atlanta don’t think I’ve gotten used to this or come to accept “my new role” for one moment. Perhaps the public has forgotten that you courted me this summer to be the “league’s top assistant” only to banish me into some kind of hellish basketball purgatory six weeks into the season in order to deflect blame from your sheer and utter incompetence; but trust me, I don’t forget. I never forget. Anything. Good or bad. Especially bad. I am like an elephant and also like a steel trap. Both of those things. Combined. A steely elephant trap of a mind. Don’t for a second question my memory.

It’s clear on tape that with some aging legs around him and Brook on the shelf, our offense goes as Joe goes. The good news is, Joe is being much more aggressive in getting his kinds of looks yes Joe Johnson is on a modest hot streak that has netted you a couple Ws but you’re still the worst coach in basketball. And I mean all of basketball. I mean NBA, D-League, WNBA, my nephew Devin’s CYO league, all of it. Hubie Brown once told me he couldn’t wait to see what was in store for my future. I bet he didn’t imagine this. Excuse me while I stress eat a dozen donuts. What has my career become? I just binge watched Orange is the New Black at my desk. Great ensemble cast.

Despite this recent hot streak, there are still obviously opportunities for improvement. While the roster is not built to run, it will be hard to compete over the second half of the season if our transition offense does not I haven’t actually watched a moment of tape in a month. Nope. Won’t do it. Not going to be punished for a crime I didn’t commit. Instead I just sit here and plot my revenge. I fantasize about the things I hope Mikhail has in store for you. Next year, I hope you and this collection of fossils you call a roster go 7-75 and he transfers your contract to Russia to coach a Siberian prison team. What I wouldn’t give to make that happen.

Please contact me if you want to discuss any of this further.

Lawrence Frank

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