Despite a season marred by locker room fistfights, roster shakeups, draft busts, and generally abysmal play, the Cleveland Cavs have managed to put together 25 wins. A surprising number of these, like last night’s 110-101 victory against the Phoenix Suns (in Phoenix) have come against Western Conference playoff teams. After 65 games, I have become well acquainted with the recipe for a Cavs victory. It goes something like this:
1. Spencer Hawes, who looks like an extra in Fargo, scores 17 first quarter points.
2. Kyrie and Dion generally split custody of the roster, with Kyrie getting Monday to Wednesday, Dion getting Thursday, and the two trading weekends.
3. Kyrie’s crucial mid-section of the stat line – from rebounds to steals to plus/minus – doesn’t read like binary code.
4. The other team gets .75 rebounds per minute.
5. Gerald Green plays a game with the headiness of J.R. Smith and ruthless efficiency of Jimmer Fredette. (Seriously, 8 points in 31 minutes while going 0-6 from 3, not logging a free throw, grabbing 2 rebounds and an assist, in addition to fouling out! Woof.)
6. Anthony Bennett did not play.