Bulls Locker Room In Turmoil


Everybody has to be on the same page,” Rose said. “Until then, we’re going to continue to get our ass kicked.


January 20, 2015
Bulls Locker Room 
Cleveland, Ohio


Jimmy Butler: Yo, Derrick! Why you tellin’ everyone our team ain’t on the same page?

Aaron Brooks: Yeah, what the hell, man?

Pau Gasol (puts book down): I agree with my teammates. I found this information very disturbing.

Derrick Rose: Well, I had to say something, man.

Joakim Noah: Right, but you know that’s not true. We have a great locker room.

Derrick Rose: Do we?!

Taj Gibson: I thought so.

Derrick Rose: Well, maybe it’s time you wake the hell up.

(Pau Gasol approaches Derrick Rose. Puts arm around his shoulder)

Pau Gasol: What’s up, Derrick? What’s really going on?

Derrick Rose: I… uh… it’s just…

Pau Gasol: You can tell us.

Jimmy Butler: Yeah, man. What is it?

Derrick Rose: Ok. Why hasn’t anyone liked my new Facebook page yet?

Joakim Noah: Oh my god.

Aaron Brooks: You gotta be kidding me.

Taj Gibson: Seriously, man?? With the Facebook page again??

Derrick Rose: It’s not hard! You just go to your invite list, find the Facebook page called ‘Rose Knows” and click ‘Like.’ That’s it.

Pau Gasol: That’s very stupid, Derrick.

Aaron Brooks: For real.

Derrick Rose: No it’s not! I’m trying to get some traction on the page. Expand my base a little. What’s so wrong with that?

Aaron Brooks: Just to recap… the locker room isn’t on the same page and we’ll continue getting our asses kicked because we haven’t ‘Liked’ your Facebook page called ‘Rose Knows’?

Derrick Rose: Makes sense to me.

Joakim Noah: Unbelievable!

Taj Gibson: Hold up. So if we just ‘Like’ your page, you’ll stop with this whole ‘not on the same page’ stuff?

Derrick Rose: ….. yes.

(Bulls players get out there phones)

Joakim Noah: Stop.

Pau Gasol: What’s up, Joakim?

Joakim Noah: I’m not ‘Liking’ the page.

Derrick Rose: Why the hell not?

Aaron Brooks: Come on, man. Just do it.

(Kirk Hinrich walks in)

Kirk Hinrich: Hey guys!

Everyone: GO AWAY, KIRK.

(Kirk Leaves)

Taj Gibson: Why won’t you just ‘Like’ the page, Joakim?

Joakim Noah: Honestly… it’s a really stupid page.

Derrick Rose: Whoa.

Joakim Noah: I mean, “Rose Knows?” COME ON.

Derrick Rose: Uh… the concept is super simple and awesome. It’s a Facebook page where I review the things I like.

Joakim Noah: That’s what’s stupid. You aren’t reviewing a particular thing… it’s just whatever pops in your head. Could be a movie, a hot dog, a hotel… you’re just reviewing whatever.

Derrick Rose: And?

Joakim Noah: AND THAT’S STUPID! Am I alone in this?

Taj Gibson: Nah. That is pretty dumb, Derrick.

Joakim Noah: And “ONLY reviewing things that you like” is what takes it to another level of stupid. You’ve given 5 Stars to literally everything you’ve ever reviewed.

Derrick Rose: Not everything. I gave “Whiplash” Infinity stars.

Joakim Noah: Yeah, I’m not liking that, man. Sorry.

Derrick Rose: How bout’ I review you… ZERO STARS!

Joakim Noah: How dare you.

Pau Gasol: Come on, guys. Can’t we find some common ground here?

Aaron Brooks: Yeah. Joakim, you know you can ‘Like’ a page and then hide it from your timeline.

Joakim Noah: It’s the principle of the matter. It’s just soooo dumb.

Derrick Rose: Well then… I guess we’ll remain a locker room torn apart.

(Joakim Noah approaches Derrick Rose)

Joakim Noah: I guess so.

(Both men walk away) 

Pau Gasol: Guys, don’t!

(Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah put on their headphones. The rest of the players look at each other in worry)

Pau Gasol: God help us.

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