Bulls Locker Room In Turmoil

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Everybody has to be on the same page,” Rose said. “Until then, we’re going to continue to get our ass kicked.

 

January 20, 2015
Bulls Locker Room 
Cleveland, Ohio

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Jimmy Butler: Yo, Derrick! Why you tellin’ everyone our team ain’t on the same page?

Aaron Brooks: Yeah, what the hell, man?

Pau Gasol (puts book down): I agree with my teammates. I found this information very disturbing.

Derrick Rose: Well, I had to say something, man.

Joakim Noah: Right, but you know that’s not true. We have a great locker room.

Derrick Rose: Do we?!

Taj Gibson: I thought so.

Derrick Rose: Well, maybe it’s time you wake the hell up.

(Pau Gasol approaches Derrick Rose. Puts arm around his shoulder)

Pau Gasol: What’s up, Derrick? What’s really going on?

Derrick Rose: I… uh… it’s just…

Pau Gasol: You can tell us.

Jimmy Butler: Yeah, man. What is it?

Derrick Rose: Ok. Why hasn’t anyone liked my new Facebook page yet?

Joakim Noah: Oh my god.

Aaron Brooks: You gotta be kidding me.

Taj Gibson: Seriously, man?? With the Facebook page again??

Derrick Rose: It’s not hard! You just go to your invite list, find the Facebook page called ‘Rose Knows” and click ‘Like.’ That’s it.

Pau Gasol: That’s very stupid, Derrick.

Aaron Brooks: For real.

Derrick Rose: No it’s not! I’m trying to get some traction on the page. Expand my base a little. What’s so wrong with that?

Aaron Brooks: Just to recap… the locker room isn’t on the same page and we’ll continue getting our asses kicked because we haven’t ‘Liked’ your Facebook page called ‘Rose Knows’?

Derrick Rose: Makes sense to me.

Joakim Noah: Unbelievable!

Taj Gibson: Hold up. So if we just ‘Like’ your page, you’ll stop with this whole ‘not on the same page’ stuff?

Derrick Rose: ….. yes.

(Bulls players get out there phones)

Joakim Noah: Stop.

Pau Gasol: What’s up, Joakim?

Joakim Noah: I’m not ‘Liking’ the page.

Derrick Rose: Why the hell not?

Aaron Brooks: Come on, man. Just do it.

(Kirk Hinrich walks in)

Kirk Hinrich: Hey guys!

Everyone: GO AWAY, KIRK.

(Kirk Leaves)

Taj Gibson: Why won’t you just ‘Like’ the page, Joakim?

Joakim Noah: Honestly… it’s a really stupid page.

Derrick Rose: Whoa.

Joakim Noah: I mean, “Rose Knows?” COME ON.

Derrick Rose: Uh… the concept is super simple and awesome. It’s a Facebook page where I review the things I like.

Joakim Noah: That’s what’s stupid. You aren’t reviewing a particular thing… it’s just whatever pops in your head. Could be a movie, a hot dog, a hotel… you’re just reviewing whatever.

Derrick Rose: And?

Joakim Noah: AND THAT’S STUPID! Am I alone in this?

Taj Gibson: Nah. That is pretty dumb, Derrick.

Joakim Noah: And “ONLY reviewing things that you like” is what takes it to another level of stupid. You’ve given 5 Stars to literally everything you’ve ever reviewed.

Derrick Rose: Not everything. I gave “Whiplash” Infinity stars.

Joakim Noah: Yeah, I’m not liking that, man. Sorry.

Derrick Rose: How bout’ I review you… ZERO STARS!

Joakim Noah: How dare you.

Pau Gasol: Come on, guys. Can’t we find some common ground here?

Aaron Brooks: Yeah. Joakim, you know you can ‘Like’ a page and then hide it from your timeline.

Joakim Noah: It’s the principle of the matter. It’s just soooo dumb.

Derrick Rose: Well then… I guess we’ll remain a locker room torn apart.

(Joakim Noah approaches Derrick Rose)

Joakim Noah: I guess so.

(Both men walk away) 

Pau Gasol: Guys, don’t!

(Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah put on their headphones. The rest of the players look at each other in worry)

Pau Gasol: God help us.

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