As a prestigious journalist, sometimes I find myself working on a column when suddenly I stumble upon something that is much bigger than anything I had ever anticipated.
Like in the new documentary called “Brooklyn Castle”. The film follows an inner-city school’s chess team that has the most National Championships than any other school in the country. While filming, they discover through, their research, that there will be major budget cuts to extra curricular activities (like chess) because the school is financially struggling. The whole movie turns into a much more important thing than what was originally intended.
This story is a lot like that. I was doing an incredibly original column that hasn’t been done before. I believe it was on the Nets/Knicks rivalry. Anyways, as I was digging through files and tabs and “pedias” (both wiki and wookiee) I discovered something on NBAStore.com that is bigger than this story, bigger than myself — bigger than us all.
I found this item for sale:
No – not that.
Now this may look like your ordinary $200 “Fanmats Brooklyn Ultimat Rug” but look at this picture that the NBA is using on their official website.
If you are anything like me, you just spit your Sierra Mist all over the computer screen and shouted “Who the hell are these people on NBAShop.com?!”
Scratch that other story — I’m looking into this.
First off – this appears to be the lamest tailgating party in the history of man. I have a feeling that Jay-Z would not approve of these models selling Brooklyn Nets merchandise That lady? That empty purple lawn chair? Obviously, the best are these 2 guys sitting on the white pick-up truck.
Zoom in to the bro on the left.
What are the odds that this guy has any clue he’s on NBAShop.com right now? Oh and also… look at this guy! He clearly needs some sunglasses, although it may not be the sun blinding him. It could be that flashy gold necklace around his neck. Is that a t-shirt tucked into those jean shorts? I believe it is! To cap it all off – he stepped out the door wearing that killer matching white socks/shoes combo. Just beautiful.
Let’s look at the dude on the right:
Man – look at those glasses. That’s a whole kind of hipster I do not understand. And are those? Yes – they are definitely Sketchers.
There’s more. What’s that on his shirt?
That appears to be a race car with badass lettering all around it. I can’t make out that logo on the hood of the car. It looks awfully familiar. The car number is definitely #15. Those letters appear to spell out a name – Bill Plemons.
Let me google image Bill Plemons real quick:
Of coarse this is Bill Plemons. I’m so happy. And look – his jacket. That must mean he is sponsored by…. ! Yes! THE LOGO ON THE CAR!
HOOTERS! Of course, it’s the Hooters logo — on the hood of the car — located on the t-shirt — worn by the man — modeling for the Brooklyn Nets Merchandise Page — ON NBASTORE.COM.
Well this concludes my research. I’m going out on a limb and saying that this photo was not taken at the Barclays Center (given that this is the photo used for every NBA team’s “Ultimat Rug”)
I’m going to go on another limb and say that the National Basketball Association probably didn’t intend on promoting Bill Plemons or Hooters on their website.
Before you go. Just know that this was no waste of time for me. I’m so happy now. How happy? I’ll let Bill Plemons take this one: