1. These are drunk-sorority-sophomore-on-a-Pop-A-Shot shooting numbers. Seriously, Lisa, six Diet Coke & Rums deep, firing min-balls one-handed at a hoop scooting up and down on an electric tract.
2. George Clooney once starred with Richard Brestoff and Vince Edwards in a horror comedy called Return to Horror High. Leonardo DiCaprio once starred with John Calvin and Aimee Brooks in a horror comedy called Critters 3. LeBron James once starred with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh in a horror comedy called The 2014 NBA Finals. The point being, even the greats sometimes get stuck in a dog shi*t movie.
3. Next week on Halt & Catch Fire, the team writes the most boring binary code ever, guest starring the Miami bench in a role you’ll absolutely definitely immediately forget unless you remember it for its terribleness.
4. This “Inches Tall : Minutes Played : Dollars Earned : Rebounds Collected” ratio has to be among the worst of all time, right?
6. Purgatory is having the two point guards above you on the depth chart combine 8 points, 5 assists, 0 rebounds, as your team gets humiliated on its own home court, and still only meriting 6 minutes of burn in your coach’s eye.
7. Coach Spo….do I smell a game 5 strategy!? Look at these plus-minus numbers! These guys are killin’ it! Bring on the end of the bench! (What’s that? It turns out Oden suffered a stress fracture during his one minute of playing time then dislocated his everything else while on the way to the doctor, and James Jones has since re-forgotten how to shoot? Ok, well then, nevermind. You’re right, this series is over.)