As We Prepare for the New Pierre

pierre pelican

Tonight the disappointing on the court but dominating off the court New Orleans Pelicans take on the terrible in every way MIlwaukee Bucks. At some point during the game we’ll learn of Pierre’s new face. You did this to yourself, internet.

If you made a joke about Pierre haunting someone’s dreams, raise your hand. If you quipped that Pierre’s face looked like a clown, stand up. If you were one of those people who giggled at photoshops of Pierre’s face, march in place. All of you should be stomping both feet with a hand in the air. Everyone still sitting at their desk is a liar. You all hated Pierre.

Now we have to learn to love the new Pierre. The team doctor is reporting his surgery was a success and the team’s PR department is likely reporting the same thing. Now we anxiously await for what the internet will report. This is a very difficult time for the Pelicans Nation – would you give a newborn child face surgery just because some people said that child was ugly? No, that would be cruel. But the internet forced owner Tom Benson and the team to follow through with the surgery. And we will have to deal with whatever is under all that gauze. If you don’t like what you see then you have yourself and all of those Deadspin Retweets to blame.

Pierre wasn’t even one season old – he didn’t even make it to the All-Star beak. Break. BREAK. He didn’t even make it to the All-Star break. And look what we did to him. May the old face find a home somewhere. May Pierre find some peace. May basketball fans worldwide lay to rest the Pierre jokes (but some of those photoshops were pretty good).


Comedian Chris Trew is a huge Pelicans fan. He writes sports jokes on his twitter account @Trew2theGame.

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