Antawn Jamison Mulls Existentialism at Toronto Vineyard


TORONTO—N.B.A. superstar Antawn Jamison wandered the confines of Back 10 Cellars vineyard for approximately four hours today, said a neighborhood aristocrat who was hard of hearing.

The appearance is not uncommon, as Jamison enjoys nomadically roaming wineries around the globe in the offseason. He has been known to probe sommeliers on their grafting techniques, approach to mechanical harvesting, and cultivation process.

“My life’s work cannot be summed up by balls or shots or championships. It must come from within,” said Jamison. “My agency hath not shaken, so I consult the escarpments of international vineyards for answers.”

A few Canadian North Carolina Tar Heel fans reportedly asked the 6-foot-9, 223-pound free agent for autographs, but grew uncomfortable with Jamison’s commentary on the grape-bearing vines appearing, “dainty, effervescent, and full bodied.”

It’s no secret that spryness eluded the 38-year-old former All-Star in his stops with the Clippers, Lakers, and Cavaliers. But Jamison contends his ability to manufacture shots provides merit for a host of organizations in need of veterans this free agency period.

However, Jamison was whisked from the property subsequent a shouting match with employees that included Sartre, Marcel, Heidegger, and Rod Stewart shout-outs.

It’s unknown where Jamison will cast his next stone, but he certainly seems confident in himself, if nothing else.

“Life spills out of me daily and I look forward to following where that trail of bodily fluid takes me.”


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