I got to go to a Bucks-Clippers game in Milwaukee this last Saturday night. It was fun. I sat by some interesting people. Throughout this week I’m going to tell you about them.
They got a blimp floating around the BMO Harris Bradley Center. On top of the blimp is an inflatable deer. That deer is on all fours. The deer looks like it is humping the blimp.
Sorry for the poor picture quality. I’m as good as my iPhone. Also, I’m a child.
The BMO Harris Bradley Center is in Milwaukee. It is where the Bucks play. I’m here watching the Bucks and the Clippers. Not a lot of other people from Milwaukee are joining me. The top bowl of the Bradley Center isn’t filled to the brim by any stretch of the imagination. I’m in the lower section. Section 205. Row R. Seat 4.
The girlfriend is here. She’s in seat 3. We’ll call her B. She got the tickets from a friend and asked me to come with. B is a Clips fan from way back in the bad, heartache years. Her family had season tickets growing up. She cheered HARD for Brent Barry to win the dunk contest in ’96. Tonight she’s wearing a Pooh Richardson Clips jersey I got her for her birthday. I’m saying, she knows who Pooh Richardson is. I tell you that to brag on her, yea, but also because, when you talk about Clippers “fans” these days, I think it’s necessary to distinguish who’s a bandwagon fan because of dunks and Kia commercials, and who’s been through the fires of those disastrous Clips teams of the 80′ and 90’s, the Dunleavy years, Donald Sterling being his Donald Sterling-est, etc. She dealt with the garbage, so she’s earned the right to watch them whip up on a lifeless Bucks squad on a drizzly Saturday night in Milwaukee. Respect to those that ride out the bad years.
There’s a member of the arena staff down below us by the court who has his hair died yellow. He’s got it cut the same way Janelle Monae has her hair cut. It looks weird. Takes all kinds, though. They’re playing Tonight’s Gonna Be A Good Night by The Will.I.Am Players because very few NBA arena DJ’s have much of a personality, but in this case I don’t mind it because it seems like that’ll be the truth.
There’s a married couple behind me. They’re pretty great. They’re throwing back beers. When in Milwaukee.
The couple is a cliche. They’re both loud and sound like extras from Fargo. Neither of them would be described as small, which is a nice way of saying I’m not sure how they fit in the seats. They both make a big deal out of having to move when someone needs to get to their seats, but it’s weirdly charming because they treat everyone like they’re their best friends, laughing and patting them on the back and making sure they know that there’s a beer under their seat and please don’t spill it. The man wears a red Polo sweater and some pleated jeans (PLEATED JEANS) with some brown loafers. His hair is white and he’s having a good time. They’re both jolly, and I mean that in the best way.
You know how some people get so big that the food has nowhere else to go so it starts to form a little pouch right above the crotch? The Orb, I’ve heard it called. Well, the husband has one of those. I should also mention it was completely within the realm of possibility that he was a woman right up until I first heard him speak. I’m not sure what the wife looks like. She was in the seat directly behind me and I never wanted to take the chance to turn around and have her see me staring at her because I’m only mean on the Internet behind people’s backs.
They say things that people who never played basketball but have watched five games on television say. Brandon Jennings is dribbling around 30 feet from the basket and the husband shouts, “Put it in the air.” I’m assuming that means he’d like him to shoot it…with about 20 seconds left on the shot clock…from about 8 feet behind the three point line. Brandon Jennings DID NOT listen to him.
At various points throughout the game, the instant the ball leaves someone’s hands and is shot towards the rim, the wife yells, “Board it. Board it up.” Larry Sanders DID NOT listen to her.
They leave with about a minute left in the game, the both of them shouting about how they’re going to go get their Minnesota Wave tickets because at least they’re good. The Wave, research tells me, is Milwaukee’s indoor soccer team. They play hard all the time, the husband says.
When they leave they say bye to all the people in their row and say they’ll see them soon. They’re SO nice. I hate myself for my judgement. They’re better people than me. I hope the Wave wins the Indoor Soccer League Championship and I hope they both have the merriest Christmas. Sorry if I was mean. I know not what I do. I’m gonna go buy some pleated jeans and a Wave jersey now and ask for forgiveness while I stare at a painting of the Patron Saint of Facial Hair, Drew Gooden.
The second installment comes tomorrow. Be good to each other today.