A Letter to Stephen Curry: All Star Snubs and Xanga

steph 2

steph 2

Dear Stephen Curry,

You should be an All-Star.  I think it.  My friends think it.  The internet thinks it.  Everybody thinks it.  You are leading a red hot Warriors team into the playoffs while contributing 20 pts/6 ast/4 reb a game.  That’s exactly what everyone is looking for in an All Star.  The role of “All Star” is meant to be filled by someone like you.  You were snubbed and I’m sorry.

Let me tell you a story.

In the 9th grade I had a huge crush on this girl, let’s call her Debbie.  Debbie was super “with-it” and hott.  I thought she was the ONE.  She dressed like Avril Lavigne (from the 1st album) which was exactly the kind of girl I wanted; with her Converse with sharpie drawings all over them and her neck ties she wore with her Warped Tour t-shirts.

All I wanted to do was officially call her, “the girl I’m going out with.”  (BTW – I don’t like to put “labels” on things.  I’m just a little too mature for that.”

The problem was, I had only spoken to her a handful of times.  She was a a lot cooler than me.  (Although I WAS the only guy in the choir who could sing both tenor and baritone so…)

One day I was on my Xanga (Remember Xanga?  I bet Shawn Marion still has a Xanga)  and I noticed a new post from Debbie called “What I’m Looking For In the Perfect Boyfriend?”

I clicked it.  Now let me say she already had a pretty awesome Xanga site.  She had a pretty nice Warped Tour background and the caption under her name said “Look!  Everything is so beautiful!”

Yes!  She was right.  Instantly I looked around my room and noticed that everything IS beautiful; the windows, the carpet, the Warped Tour poster on my wall.  This girl had my heart.  Anyways…

 

So I began to read her list of what she is looking for in a guy:

  1. Sk8er Boy
  2. Sweet and Kind
  3. Knows how to treat a girl
  4. Sensitive
  5. Funny
  6. Tan Skin
  7. Loves his family
  8. Fan of Something Corporate
  9. Athletic
  10. Fun!

Holy crap! She was describing me perfectly.  That’s like a list of my qualities right there.   So this was perfect.  I was going to send her a message over Xanga telling her the following

  1. I’m Mr. Sk8er boy, or at least I dressed like it.
  2. Of coarse, I’m sweet and kind.  You think our backyard mows itself?
  3. I would treat her like the Sk8er queen she is.
  4. Sensitive?  I cry every time I watch “The Land Before Time.”
  5. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?  Nacho cheese…
  6. MY SKIN IS TAN!
  7. Even though my mom COULDN’T UNDERSTAND IF SHE TRIED, I love her.
  8.  My Instant Messenger Username was SoCoJG  (That stands for:  Something Corporate Jason Gallagher)
  9. Athletic?  Excuse me, but I was on the JV cross country team.
  10. I am fun.  It takes a fun person to have green spots in his hair.

 

So I clicked “send” and put my arms behind my head like I had just invented a new planet.  I was confident.  I did all I could and I was perfect for this girl.  Everything she wanted was right here, in this bean bag chair.

Well it’s been 11 years and I have never heard back from her.  I know she read the message because she had posted more Xanga posts since that day.  She also avoided eye contact with me when we’d pass by each other in the hall.

I didn’t get it.  I was all the things she was looking for.  Some would say I was over qualified to be the “guy she was going out with.”  What’s wrong with me?

Stephen Curry, I can totally relate to what you’re going through.  You are fun, exciting, young, efficient, talented, supported by stat geeks, supported by casual fans, awesome, great, beloved, the leader of a playoff team and you are the perfect example of what the All Star Game is about.

I have no idea why Debbie didn’t like me and I have no idea why you weren’t picked for the All Star Team.  We were perfect and everything they were looking for.

You know what?! We are too good for Debbie and the All Star Game.  Yeah!  Screw em’!  Let’s just keep on ballin (you – actually ballin/ me – figuratively ballin) and we’ll show the world that we don’t need them!

Stay strong.

 

-Your sk8er brother,

Jason

 

 

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