A Conversation Between Vivek Ranadive and Mike Malone

Denver Nuggets v Sacramento Kings

“Ready for a good season, Mike?”

“Of course, Vivek. Going to be a great learning year for the club.”

“There’s just one more thing.”


“We’re going to get Josh Smith.”

“Josh Smith? I haven’t heard of him. Where is he coaching?”

“No, Josh Smith. You know, J-Smoove.”

“You want to get Josh Smith.”

“J-Smoove. Yes.”

“The Josh Smith. Plays for the Detroit Pistons?”

“Absolutely. Love him.”

“Vivek, we have this team that spaces the floor pretty poorly, 33% shooting from three last year.”


“Our main guy, Boogie Cousins, he likes to operate out of the block, and by main guy, I mean he’s really the only impactful offensive player we have. Except for Rudy Gay who, incidentally, plays the same position as Josh Smith.”


“Some of our other leading scorers include Jason Thompson, and Carl Landry. They score from inside.”


“So, if I understand you correctly, your idea is to get someone whose shot chart outside the restricted area is so gruesome and horrible it was used as a trailer for The Hunger Games…”


“…who is so unaware of what he is good at that last year he shot over 3 three-pointers a game at a percentage, 26.4%, which was literally the worst in the NBA…”


“…but who, if he ever wised up enough to become an effective player would be taking all his shots from the same area that our best scorer and at least two of our top five scorers take shots, presumably ruining the only thing our offense has going for it.”

“Great, looking forward to it.”

“I’m totally getting fired by mid-season, aren’t I.”

“Welll…not EXACTLY midseason.”

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