5-vs-5: Regular Season Wrap-Up



We did it!

We made it to the end of the regular season as champions and slayers of champions. Let’s all give ourselves a pat on the back and evaluate what we lived through as our panel of NBA-Basketball-Hoop-Game experts break down the 2013-2014 regular season.

Jason Gallagher – @jgallagher41
Tyler Parker – @tk_parker
Chandler Goodman – @SuchAGoodman
John Sabine – @jsabine214
Josh Spilker – @joshspilker


1. What was your favorite moment of the regular season?

Gallagher: KOBE’S RETURN!

Parker: When for three games at the beginning of the season several people convinced themselves that the Sixers were going to be a force.

Goodman: It’s a 16-way tie between these 15 buzzer beaters and the moment the Cavs season was finally put out of its misery.

Sabine: There were so many good moments but April 6, 2014 was special because JR Smith hit TEN 3-POINTERS and turned the NBA into a video game.

Spilker: The Phoenix Suns transforming from caterpillars to butterflies. Joakim Noah as an action star, saving everyone before the Chicago Bulls train went off a cliff.



2. Who is your regular season MVP and what do you think they are thinking right this second?

Gallagher: DeAndre Liggins of the Miami Heat. I don’t know how you guys rate it, but according to facts, Liggins played in exactly one game this year and took exactly one shot and made exactly one shot. That’s 100% shooting on the year! Plus, that particular game resulted in a big-fat W.  As far as what he’s doing… he’s probably reading this right now. What’s good, DL?

Parker: Kevin Durant – “Monica! What did we decide the best Instagram filter was? Valencia? I thought it was Nashville? Oh, Sutro’s nice.

Goodman: MVP stands for “Most Visited Pizza Huts” right? If so, Anthony Bennett.

Sabine: JR Smith. He is probably thinking about how if Carmelo gave him 4 extra shots a game they would have made the playoffs.

Spilker: Anthony Bennett. He’s thinking how awesome it is that he personally guaranteed Miami another 3-4 championships.


3.What was your favorite image of the regular season?

Gallagher: The one-legged-smile-and-fade.

dirk gif


Parker: Russell Westbrook blocking two practice shots by the Pacers during a dead ball.

westbrook block


Goodman: Carmelo pouting. Always Carmelo pouting.

melo pout


Sabine: LOVE. 

smith headband


Spilker: The way Hawks fans now nod and chuckle at Pistons fans when Josh Smith shoots a 3.

josh smith gif


4. If you could change any thing about this regular season, what would it be?

Gallagher: I would have the NBA do a one-on-one game at the start of the season between Kevin Hart and Drake. The winner gets to invade our TV all day, every day… like normal. The loser gets a restraining order and can’t come within 100 feet of any game NBA game, player, mascot, cheerleader, or fan.

Parker: Everyone agrees that the Knicks suck so they’re not worth devoting this much attention to.

Goodman: An one-thousand way tie between re-hiring Mike Brown, signing Andrew Bynum, drafting Anthony Bennett, passing on everyone else in the Lottery to draft Anthony Bennett, and everything else about the Cavs’ miserable horse-turd of a season.

Sabine: I would change the Conference system so a team with JR Smith could have the opportunity to play in playoffs.

Spilker: Change anything? Have the Golden State Warriors trade Harrison Barnes, Andrew Bogut and David Lee for Kevin Love and Corey Brewer. That probably doesn’t work, but still.


5. What did you learn from this year’s regular season?

Gallagher: I learned that everybody, no matter what age, race or social class, wants a free t-shirt. 

Parker: That your dislike for a player only grows over time. Francisco Garcia is the worst. I dislike his game so much I refuse to Google him to make sure I spelled his name right. I actually hope I spelled it wrong.

Goodman: Two things. 1) I learned the term “buddy ball,” as it was apparently at the heart of the November fistfight that broke out between the Cavs two best players. 2) I learned that if you believe a player might be too short, fat, or un-athletic to justify the #1 overall pick in the NBA Draft, he absolutely is all those things.

Sabine: I love JR Smith. Thats what I learned. I wish there was a JR Smith clause to let him play for the playoffs.

Spilker:  If you need a rebound to save your life, ask someone other than Bargnani. If Pop asks you to jump, you ask which ice bath. If you’re bad at coaching, make sure you have a good shooter on your team like Durant or Curry to distract the media. Don’t ask Turkoglu, Felton or Diaw to split a meal with you because they won’t.


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