5-vs-5: Awards Watch (It’s never too early)

Miami Heat v Los Angeles Clippers

We’re less than two weeks into the 2013-2014 NBA season, which means it’s time to start predicting some regular season award winners.  Some say it’s too soon while others (just us, really) say not soon enough.  It’s time to turn it to the experts as they make their predictions in this week’s 5-vs-5.

Experts: Chandler Goodman (@SuchAGoodman), Jason Gallagher (@jga41agher), @Tyler Parker (@_tkparker), John Sabine (jsabine214), and Colt Westbrook (@ColtWestbrook


1. Who will win MVP of the regular season?

Gooman: The guy in the park who scores on LeBron in Nike’s “Training Day” commercial. HOW DOES HE SCORE ON LEBRON SO EASILY?? WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS GUY?? (Check the 1:09 mark: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lS4Dl5CIZqE)

Gallagher: In the words of the great public speaker, Reggie Miller,  “Another man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”  That’s why my pick for MVP is Monta Ellis.  UNLESS…. I am allowed to pick Reggie Miller (the announcer)??  No?  Ok, it’s Monta then.

Parker: Spencer Hawes. Hawes has taken his play to another level this season. The Sixers are CLEARLY a special team this year with the legs to make an extra deep run into the playoffs and Hawes is the number one reason why. He’s just absolutely relentless and he’s putting it together the way a former Huskie should.

Sabine: Chris Paul. But like, probably Lebron….but maybe Chris Paul?

Westbrook: Sick of seeing the same positions take the cake year upon year. We need someone who plays leadership (L). That’s Derek Fisher.


2. Who will win the Kia Player of the Month Award in March?

Gooman: Probably that guy who scored on LeBron so easily. Seriously, he blew right by him!! How is he not on Boston’s roster??

Gallagher: Sources tell me that Metta World Peace has his speech prepared for this award already.  Here’s a snippet: “QUEENSBRIDGE!   MARCH IS OURS, BABY!  I WANNA THANK MY BAGEL LADY AND THAT MOTHER F……”  That’s all we are allowed to put without getting trouble.  Get ready for a BIG fine.

Parker: Spencer Hawes. The 76er Center is really playing incredible basketball and that’s bound to continue throughout the rest of this year. Spring is when things bloom and Hawes’ numbers will be blooming HEAVY in March. Look for a double-double average for the month. Something like 24 and 13 with 5 assists and a couple blocks.

Sabine: Kobe. He will be back, the Lakers will be in 10th place and he’ll just try to break every record. He’s going to go full on HHH by the end of the season.

Westbrook: Shooting from the hip here – but when Miami plays Houston on March 4th, I can really see Wade coming down on his ankle wrong on a jump shot and having to sit out until they play Minnesota on April 4th. Thus giving Ray Allen a chance to dominate and take KPMA in March. From what I’ve watched from both of them in November, that’s what I see happening.


3. Who will win the Twyman–Stokes Teammate of the Year Award?

Gooman: Tie between Darren Collison, Willie Green, and all other members of the Clippers second unit for patiently dealing with Byron Mullens’ three-pointer addictions. (He is taking 3 per game in 12 minutes of playing time. He is making 0.6, good for 20%.)

Gallagher: Michael Jordan.  As Jalen Rose said, MJ is coming back for only one game.  But in that one game, he’ll be so terrible that it’ll be a sub-conscience confidence boost to the other Bobcat players when they realize “Holy crap.  I’m WAY better than Michael!”  They’ll ride that confidence all the way to the Conference Finals.

Parker: Spencer Hawes. He’s really a great guy, you guys. He’s extremely active on Twitter and does a ton of interacting with his fans. They love him and he loves them. That goes for his teammates, too. He does all the little things. He gets Evan Turner a chill pill whenever he needs one and makes sure Michael Carter-Williams gets in bed plenty early on road trips. There are reports out there that he buys Thaddeus Young socks once every two weeks “just cuz”.

Sabine: Lance Stephenson. He’s like Uber Deshawn Stevenson – Whoa they have the same last name lolhahahhahehehhelol. Seriously he feels like a guy you want on your side.

Westbrook: I see Billups taking it from here on until his retirement. You’ve got fine teammates all over the leauge, CP3, Duncan, Nash, but Chancey Billups is literally the only candidate on the field who’s at the Twyman-Stokes level.


4. Who will win a Nickelodeon Award this year and what’s the exact award they’ll win?

Goodman: I nominate Byron Mullens for the “Hey Dude Award” as in, “Hey dude, could you stop taking so many three-pointers?” That’d be great.

Gallagher: The Tommy Pickle’s “A Baby’s Gotta Do, What a Baby’s Gotta Do” Bravery Award goes to Gregg Popovich, for sitting his starters the last thirty games of the season.  He’ll be fined $8,000,000 total which will be covered by Nickelodeon… as long as he says “A Baby’s Gotta Do What a Baby’s Gotta Do” during an in game interview with Craig Sager.

Parker: The Omar Gooding Award for being both wild and crazy will go to Spencer Hawes for his constant involvement in everything and his general wild man-ness. You don’t mess with Hawes. He’s about that rawness. He’s an incredible facilitator. Really making sure everyone is entertained at all times. He’s a destroyer. He’s also hilarious, just like Omar. Remember how funny Omar was on Smart Guy? He was the best part of that show. Just like Spencer is the best part of the Sixers.

Sabine: Dwight Howard. He’ll win the storied “Wannabe Award” because he Wants to be everything. A franchise player, liked, feared, a UFC fighter, Cliff Paul…etc. Past winners include Tom Cruise and Queen Latifah

Westbrook: Favorite Buttkicker will go straight to STRAIGHT to Jeremy Lin. That guy is as brute and reckless and they come and I hear he’s hell to hang with in Houston especially after a W.


5. NOT A PREDICTION: If you could see any NBA player win any award, what would it be and why?

Goodman: I would like to see Nuggets guard Nate Robinson win a Top Yelper award, because that would mean that a treasure trove of Nate Robinson Yelp reviews was out there for all of us to enjoy. IT’S NOT ABOUT HOW BIG A SANDWICH IS IT’S ABOUT IF THE SANDWICH GOT GAME.

Gallagher: I hope to one day see Kendrick Perkins win “Best Supporting Actor” at the Oscars for his role in “Thunderstruck IV: The Return of the Perk.”

Parker:I think it’d be Spencer Hawes. I’d like to see him win a community involvement award of some kind. He does so much for the city of Philadelphia and, while he doesn’t at all do it for the recognition, it’d be nice to see him be acknowledged for being such a stand up citizen. You only live once and he’s making sure his one time ’round counts. (TM)

Sabine: Russell Westbrook could probably win a Day Time Emmy because this “Im always mad no one understands me I wear bowties and salmon pants” act its amazing and way too over the top. Westbrook is Young and oh so Restless.

Westbrook: Coronado High School’s Cutest Senior Couple goes to Kobe and Gasol. We all wish it would happen.

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